#i was im the negatives now i’m like at 0 which i thought would be better but by the world standards it’s not

[marzzrocks]

oh god i’m so bad at being a person and literally everyone can tell

[kdipshit]

Running away

Look at me running away from it as soon as it makes me uncomfortable, yeah I did what I could in my brain and change my thoughts but I still chose to leave because it was getting hard. I left. I chose that, and now I am here, and now what? Now I have to process leaving, get told off probably, feel guilty, all because I chose not to do it. Thats my issue now, just doing it.

Okay lets look at the reason why I left okay, instead of telling myself off a little bit. First of all, I was feeling genuinely sick and onto of that I was already bothered and moving slow, now, I should have just told someone I was leaving, but I was sick and I felt like an empty pit in my stomach, I was in pain, my face went white and I felt faint and dizzy, and I didn’t even smoke, I was sober and sick dizzy and in pain. I didn’t have to energy for my activity I had promised to go to.

Anyways, so yes I do feel sick and tired and I’m aloud to feel sick and tired. tell me off all you want but I’m not going to let it effect me in any way negatively at all, instead it will effect me none, and I will take only the truth and grow from it. I just have to keep levelling up, and I feel like I’m trying to make my own steps, instead of progressing with the universe’s path chosen for me. My decisions determine which path I go down, yes, but by trying to make my own pathway out of thoughts is again, chasing dragons. Just walk the path you’re on, and if you can’t see it, then clean up a little bit more.

The power of choice. I’m here now, so whats the point continuing to feel guilty? I’ve processed it, and I’m happy with my outcome, I know some more why’s, and I’m getting a better understanding through current practice. The power of choice.

I would like to look at all the memories I forgot, like a library. Maybe I wouldn’t be so miserable and difficult if I could just see how much love I had in it, instead of all the bad. I really don’t like talking to people coz they really have no fucking idea. What am I talking to? It makes no sense to me, anything anyone says makes 0 sense. Zilch. I don’t understand nor can I comprehend their sentences. im not part of them, I’m seperate. They are the same, luckily. Being seperate from the human race is a difficult and sometimes grey world to live in. But If ye can find the colour, so can i. i dont like to hold conversations, no small talk bullshit, being quiet doesn’t mean I’m scared. Maybe I’m a little scared, but nothing I cant fix though. He sacredness that I have, I wonder where it comes from, I remember having panic attacks at 7 in primary school when this one kid would always throw a fit and become violent throwing desks and chairs and screaming swearing punching kids hitting kids, I was scared of him, but he was nice to me. I guess thats my earliest memory, I was so scared I didn’t move, but my body started shaking just real anxious. I guess that can be caused by my parents arguing around us as kids, sometimes it got real ugly and I did the same thing, shake. I used to think ‘what the hell is wrong with me’ as I tried my best to stop shaking, causing more panic when I find it impossible to stop. It doesn’t take long for me to become extremely overwhelmed once I hit this point, and at that point I can lose control.

Maybe I’m just so medicated that I don’t even realise when I’m in a depressive episode. Sobriety makes me anxious and angry, I just need weed to feel mellow, and not flip the fuck out for real. Thank you for pointing that out.

so this whole level up thing I’ve been wanting to do, like pretty much just be high maintenance, always look good 24/7, look good feel good right? Q is…. Should I get extentions? …. no

I think as long as I’m taking care of myself, and I’m writing, I can do anything. Thats really my base, thats all I need, self can and letting everything off. Im really excited to get my nails cute like Haiilsz beiber, yeah. I want pretty hands.

I really didn’t plan to be here for this many years. I mean like when I was 14/15/16 I wasn’t thinking about myself at 23 years old, which Is where Im at right now, 23 :) thats crazy, anywyas, I wasn’t planning on it. So now that I’m here I’m lost it seems, or like, still 19, still a teenager. But I’m a woman now. Everyone around me is older aswell.

I dont have much respect for peoples time, I don’t really take things as seriously as other people do. Or at least thats how I feel, I feel rude. But I shouldn’t, because I never set out my day to be rude, I set out my days in the best possible intentions I can bring myself to create for myself. And that is why things are always working out for me not matter how they look at any time.

[hiraeth-sage]

Hello! I hope you’re having a great day / night! I am struggling and I really need your help. This is not a trauma dump or JUST a rant. I have a major problem and I’m looking for someone with a solution. You can refer to me as 😁 anon but if that’s already taken, I completely understand that! Before I get into what the problem is, please keep in mind that I do struggle with bpd (borderline personality disorder) and be patient with me if you can.

I’m doing something wrong. I know you’re not supposed to assume that in law of assumption because whatever you assume shows up in your 3D, but I can’t help but think that and I hope you won’t blame me for thinking that after hearing a bit of my story. I started out in 2019 with subliminals, needless to say, I never got results from them. I did everything in my power to try to make them work for me. I listened for months, I switched up my playlist, I used to ask psychics to pick the subliminal “best suited for my subconscious”, but still nothing. I don’t know why I didn’t give up, but the thought of having everything I wanted after years of abuse and trauma sounded so amazing. But I would never manifest what I wanted, maybe food or my favourite song playing first on shuffle. But I’d always have to make a physical change to the 3D MYSELF before trying to manifest it. I would want to manifest chicken wings and constantly bother my parents for chicken wings, so I could say I “manifested them”. It was like I had been in the desert for 40 years and whenever I found an oasis, it disappeared in front of my eyes but still kept little droplets of water so I could keep looking for more oasises. I got on Tumblr because of one of the psychics that would pick subliminals for me and completely abandoned amino. By the time I got here, I had be filled with negative thoughts and 0 hope. I was just holding on to the slightest possibility that this manifesting thing could work for me. In between Tumblr (law of assumption) and subliminals, I got into law of attraction and tried every method you can think of. 3-6-9 method, 2 cup method, drinking moon water. Any method you can think of, I’ve tried it. When I heard that you just had to assume and stick to those assumptions, I was in disbelief. So that’s what I did. I assumed and lived in the end. I would avoid mirrors or any reminders that I haven’t completely manifested yet. I did this for like two weeks and lost it because I still didn’t have what I wanted. Then I got into law of assumption methods like visualizing or the lullaby method. Needless to say, I sit before you here with no results. All I have now is a very very strong urge to go back to attempting the void or subliminals again. I had a deadline a month ago, that I didn’t reach. It caused me to spiral and im still in that spiral. I have contemplated just leaving manifesting all together, but I’m here to try to give myself one last chance or a hope for actually getting what I want. Outside of manifestation, my desires can’t be achieved without surgery. That’s one major reason why I’m still going. I don’t have money for surgery. I sound like such a victim, but I know everything there is to every manifesting technique, but I still can’t manifest. (I know I shouldn’t be affirming that into my 3D, but I’m very upset as I write this.) I’ve practiced self concept too and just been delusional and I still didn’t get what I want. I wanted to manifest before my graduation day and I didn’t.. my graduation day was arguably the worst day of my life. I know what to do and I feel like I do them perfectly so what is wrong with me? If it’s my ability to persist, how do I persist with wavering?

My very first anon!!! Hi 😁 anon! I’m so sorry to hear you’re struggling! I actually have a very similar manifestation journey. I started out with the law of attraction and subliminals in early 2020 but it never worked so I got into shifting (which also didn’t work for a long time). But then I found the law of assumption.

It did take me a while to get the hang of controlling my thoughts and focusing on my desires, but once you dedicate a day or two to focusing on changing your thoughts or focusing on your self concept, it’s really quite simple. I would suggest @starliet s 3 days or less challenge, or any self concept challenge you can find. Honestly, working on your self concept really does help, but I think if your not following a challenge it can be kind of hard to persist. If tumblr is making things worse, then you should definitely delete it for at least a week, I know it’s hard trust me I’ve been there but it really does help. If you’re anything like I was, maybe your problem is that you’re trying to escape your reality instead of improving it if that makes sense? When I first started shifting and something bad would happen in my reality I would just say “it’s ok cause I’m shifting tonight lol” and that definitely made things a lot harder for me. So try doing something that would make you a bit happier here, something that won’t make you feel the need to spiral. What helped me was creating a routine for myself. I would wake up at 4:50am every morning, do a self concept mediation, yoga, and then I’d go for a run. After that I would set a calm and positive atmosphere in my room with my crystals and some incense and I would write in my journal what I’ve done so far and would I would like to do and achieve. I would also type out my self concept affirmations in the notes app on my phone through out the day (because honestly remembering to affirm is really hard and typing it out helps me). I did this for maybe 2-3 weeks and I felt so much happier and confident. I think when you focus on your desires too much it makes it harder to manifest. So maybe what you need is to take your mind off of them for a while and focus on changing your mindset! Trust me, once you work on your self concept and you realize just how powerful you are, you’ll be manifesting things left and right without even trying. Once you feel confident enough in your abilities then you should definitely start affirming for your desires (don’t forget to persist). Just remember that the key to manifesting: decide, affirm, persist. And try not to worry about whether you’re doing it wrong or not because that is probably the #1 cause of a spiral, just trust yourself. When I would doubt myself I just reminded myself that I’m the god of my reality, and I make the rules. You already have all the answers, you know how to fix your “problem”, you don’t need anyones help. I struggled with manifesting so much before I realized that I was just constantly consuming information and over complicating everything, when I already knew what I needed to do! Sometimes it’s hard, but trust me you’ll get there! I really hope this helped, I can’t wait to hear your success story!

[hohoz]

The ones that suffer the most

I wanted to talk about this for a long time.

I’m a Resident evil addicted, I finished almost every RE game released and I must say that Capcom made some poor choices regarding Jill and Chris, they are EASILY the most mistreated characters in RE Franchise. 

But let’s explain why is that: 

Jill and Chris are survivors, they had to survive in a mansion with a lot of puzzles and zombies, while looking for items that could help them to progress and find a way to reach Brad. 

When they arrive at STARS Office, they are revolted that Umbrella did all that under their noses and innocents were dying because of that and they explained EVERYTHING in a report - but Irons made that go away. 

In the ORIGINAL RE3 we had this special file (Jill’s Diary) 

August 7th Two weeks have passed since that day. My wounds have been healed, but I just can't forget it. For most people, it's history now. But for me, whenever I close my eyes, it all comes back clearly. Zombies eating people's flesh and the screams of my teammates dying. No, the wounds in my heart are not healed yet...

August 13th Chris has been causing a lot of trouble recently. What's with him? He seldom talks to the other police members and is constantly irritated. The other day, he punched Elran of the Boy's Crime department just for accidentally splashing Chris's face with coffee. I immediately stopped Chris, but when he saw me he just gave me a wink and walked away. I wonder what happened to him...

August 15th Midnight. Chris, who has been on a leave of absence for a "vacation," called me so I visited his apartment. As soon as I walked into his room, he showed me a couple of pieces of paper. They were part of a virus research report entitled as simply as "G". Then Chris told me that, "The nightmare still continues." He went on to say that, "It's not over yet." Ever since that day, he has been fighting all by himself without rest, without even telling me.

August 24th Chris left the town today to go to Europe. Barry told me that he would send his family to Canada and then he would follow Chris. I decided to remain in Raccoon City for a while because I know that the research facility in this city will be very important to this entire case. In a month or so, I'll be joining with them somewhere in Europe. That's when my real battle begins...

For some weird reason this file isn’t available in RE3 Remake. 

But ok, here we see that Chris was doing some investigation - in the RE2RMK  you could see this letter that Chris left in a way that normal people wouldn't understand - the only thing that Claire says is that “doesnt look like him” but how normies would understand what Chris is like is he is not well represented in media ??????????????????

And Jill had all the detective work in her wall. 

So far so good - we understand the basics about them - they are Special police force, the elite, they had a traumatic experience and they survived to tell the story. 

Some problems until now:

Jill had a MAJOR personality change in RE3 RMK- I honestly like most of that, she is a badass in the originals and she is a badass in the rmk but I still dislike the fact that she swears all the time (specially because in RE1, RE Rev, RE5 she doesn't do that) 

We can tell a lot about her personality just looking at her room, but I still miss some stuff (I had expectations - so this is not a real problem. but still) like a Vinyl player (since she is probably into classical music), some letters from her father so new players can understand her origin and why is she so good in lockpicking and more about her dog (she had a pic in the original that could’ve been her boyfriend but it was replaced by a dog in RE2 rmk but in RE3 Rmk there in no dog) 

Okay - after you finish the game the only thing we see is this: 

In my opinion this is Chris since he is always associated with Green colors while Jill is associated with blue. 

So my speculation here is that she found him while in the original we had this: 

This is not a major chance but still is important (lore of course - duh) but the problem here is that while Jill is looking for him - Code Veronica is happening. 

So I can only assume two things, they did not show him because they DON’T HAVE A FACE FOR HIM or I am wrong and that is Jill, but if that is Jill so why there is no decent epilogue like the original ? 

Okay, now we are arriving in the real trouble area

I will do RE5 first and the Wii and Rev1 (even tho those two comes first in the lore) 

RESIDENT EVIL 5 

So before the game was release we had some propaganda, including this: 

So have in mind that Jill was dead, I thought that she died and RE5 would explain that shit. 

But in the beginning we see that Chris is looking for her and have in mind that Chris HAD A MAJOR CHANCE IN HIS APPEARANCE, and I’m not talking about his muscles. 

I will not address Chris in CV since he was good in that game but I the team that made CV also made the original, it had CONSISTENCE. 

Here we have Chris, he’s THE classical american soldier protagonist from Hollywood in the 80′s/90′s and he had some omage to TOPGUN

He also shares some traits with his sister

A major trait here is that HE HAS BLUE EYES, typical good looking soldier from US. 

and now let’s have a look at Chris in RE5...

Yeah... I still hate this face even tho I love his Character in this game, this ugly a** monkey looking mf and he had a lot of steroids

So we have some lore to him in RE5, Jill and Chris went to a mansion looking for Spencer (one of the fathers of Umbrella and the one that was behind project Wesker, he wanted to do this Virus so he could live forever, so RE has a good lore, it’s not just about zombies) but when they found him, he was dead and Wesker was by his side, in a fight Jill sacrificed herself to save Chris’s life. 

Chris started doing mission after mission because her body was never found, and he made a name for himself, he became a ‘legend’ inside BSAA and you can see that in the beginning of RE5.

The reason behind the muscles was probably to fight Wesker mano to mano but still is not well made, it really felt weird playing for the first time. 

So now we have a problem here, there is thing that you use in a narrative that is to make someone strong af powerless, and they did that to Jill. (a good example of this is in TWD- Ricky is a fucking legend and Negan made him powerless in the face of a event) 

Jill was used in a Boss fight and that is it... She is not in the game as a character, she is being manipulated and her whole design was changed, she looks like Nina from Tekken. WTF. - BTW, the fact that Wesker had mind control over her created 1000 fics of sex 

 So that is it, my main problem here isnt Jill itself, but it’s the fact that they used her character as a boss even tho she is the heroine, she never appears in RE lore again until some guy inside Capcom said “Well people are asking about Jill so let’s place a file in Rev2 saying that she is in rehab” 

The only time that she appears again is in a 3DS NINTENDO ONLY game, it felt that Capcom simply don’t care about her character. 

By the way Revelations 1 is a great game and was adaptable some years later for PC and consoles

But you think that this is bad, wait until we arrive at RESIDENT EVIL 6 

When I learned that Jill was not in RE6 I was mad... But after I played that game I said “thank you God” that game was bad, transformers kind of bad, it had bad writing, the lore was all over the place and Chris was the one that suffered the most in this game. 

He was responsible for the death of an entire squad, suffered amnesia and people still wanted him in the command 

THEY MADE HIM AN ALCOHOLIC 

The golden boy of BSAA reduced to THIS. 

By the way, the director said that HE WANTED TO KILL CHRIS IN THIS GAME to SUBVERT EXPECTATIONS - so if you liked Piers now that he died only because of that. 

So now let’s analyse what we know: 

The first 2 main characters are not well represented in media until RE6, they don’t know how to re introduce Jill in the games and Chris was reduced to a normal guy at a Russian bar;

But it gets worse... 

Capcom LOVE Leon, we know that. he is always the hero, he is the protagonist in almost every movie and he is always the cool guy so when he get’s a new model, he looks like this:

But When Chris get’s a new face he look like this: 

WHO DAFUQ ARE U, no offense to the model but he has NEGATIVE JAW LINE.

And still he doesn't look like Claire’s brother, there is no blue/green eyes and he looks younger that he was in 6 (and 6 still uses that ugly character model) 

But let’s go in the lore- we HAVE 0 info on Jill in RE6 / RE7 and no sight of her in RE8 

And speaking of which, they tried to make Chris the bad guy in the trailer so when we play we see “Ohhhh he was not the bad guy, that happened and that is why he did that” 

But still... 

If they are going to do that to his character don’t use this character, shit ! Do something with that Wesker’s son that made 0 sense in RE6 but leave Chris out of this - it really feels that they simply don’t know how to treat him right

And you may think that I may be complaining a lot because of his appearance

But this is him in RE8  

(to me this is some random dude from Russia) 

And this is him in RE:Verse (that is going to be release TOGETHER) 

So this tells me that they have 0 clue of how to handle his looks

Jill got RE3Rmk but it felt like a cheap game compared to RE2Rmk where the original RE3 was SO MUCH BETTER

And this is bad because there are so many new fans joining the fandom only to see 2 great characters suffering from poor director’s choices. 

I’m sorry about this rant, if you like Chris face and looks its okay, really, but dont tell me that Chris from 5/6/8 is the same from 1/CV and if you think im wrong about Jill its fine, but she is an amazing character that could have so much more impact in RE universe (I mean, she never even appeared in a RE movie - animations) 

But it’s sad to see so many characters that receive good representation in media and good games/lore while Jill get’s almost none and Chris is handled like random face guy. 

I was going to talk a little bit more about Rev 1 and RE Umbrella Chronicles but there is no need since Im mad right now and it seems that Capcom has 0 interest in making Code Veronica and Umbrella’s fall after that since their fav boy Leon need a rmk in RE4 even tho RE4 is not that old. 

Bonus:

Fun fact: Chris served in the Air force, so yeah, to me even Tom Cruise looks more like Chris than Chris from the games

[doctorskeleton]

 Gordon Freeman’s thesis is titled Observation of Einstein-Podolsky-Rosen Entanglement on Supraquantum Structures by Induction Through Nonlinear Transuranic Crystal of Extremely Long Wavelength (ELW) Pulse from Mode-Locked Source Array in this essay i will pick it apart piece by piece to better understand what the fuck it means

Einsten-Podolsky-Rosen Entanglement This bit is one of the staples of Quantum Mechanics, called the EPR paradox/entanglement. We should already know that entanglement, as a basic part of quantum physics, is when two separate particles rely on each other on their positions. It's the idea that if you measure/observe one particle, you could accurately predict the other particle because the two are ~entangled~ The EPR paradox is a a thought experiment, like a lot of quantum physics is.

The thought experiment involves a pair of particles prepared in an entangled state (note that this terminology was invented only later). Einstein, Podolsky, and Rosen pointed out that, in this state, if the position of the first particle were measured, the result of measuring the position of the second particle could be predicted. If, instead, the momentum of the first particle were measured, then the result of measuring the momentum of the second particle could be predicted. They argued that no action taken on the first particle could instantaneously affect the other, since this would involve information being transmitted faster than light, which is forbidden by the theory of relativity. They invoked a principle, later known as the "EPR criterion of reality", positing that, "If, without in any way disturbing a system, we can predict with certainty (i.e., with probability equal to unity) the value of a physical quantity, then there exists an element of reality corresponding to that quantity". From this, they inferred that the second particle must have a definite value of position and of momentum prior to either being measured. This contradicted the view associated with Niels Bohr and Werner Heisenberg, according to which a quantum particle does not have a definite value of a property like momentum until the measurement takes place.

Supraquantum Structures I can't find any definitions nor anything in scientific papers that tell me what this is without me having to go down a rabbithole of terminology. So instead I'm going to look at the terminology itself to see what it means. Supra is a prefix meaning "above" or "beyond". The definition of quantum is "a discrete quantity of energy proportional in magnitude to the frequency of the radiation it represents." That's a little obtuse for a definition so let's just go witth this instead. "Quantum mechanics is a fundamental theory in physics that describes the physical properties of nature at small scales, of the order of atoms and subatomic particles."  If we take "quantum" to mean "atoms/subatomic particles" then Supraquatum would just mean something bigger than a particle, right? A supraquantum structure could be a single cell organism.

Now, lets put the first bit together, EPR Entanglement on supraquantum structures. These are observations on the entanglement of objects bigger than particles, which is hard to prove in it of itself, so the next bit must be important to the entire puzzle Induction through Nonlinear Transuranic Crystal of Extremely Long Wavelength Induction is a way of charging objects. In the induction process, a charged object is brought near but not touched to a neutral conducting object. The presence of a charged object near a neutral conductor will force (or induce) electrons within the conductor to move.Nonlinear dynamics is the branch of physics that studies systems governed by equations more complex than the linear, aX+b form. Nonlinear systems, such as the weather or neurons, often appear chaotic, unpredictable or counter-intuitive, and yet their behavior is not random. Transuranic just means any element with a higher atomic number than uranium (92) So i seemed to have glanced over the "pulse" bit in the thesis title because of the acronym throwing me off. so the ELW pulse from a mode-locked source array is the electric pulses coming from the test chamber's laser "source array", and its Mode-Locked. 

Mode-locking is a technique in optics by which a laser can be made to produce pulses of light of extremely short duration

I can't find any definition of souce array so im going to assume that's what the laser machine is. This bit was easy, but to go on about it; the electric pulses/lasers theyre using to induct the crystal is on the long part of the wavelength scale, which doesnt make much sense considering that it looks like electricity. It makes more sense once you consider what the scientists say before you enter the test chamber "I'm afraid we'll be deviating a bit from standard analysis procedures today, Gordon" "This is the purest sample we've seen yet, and potentially the most unstable" Now, the actual machine is called the Anti-Mass Spectrometer, and it only really exists in half-life. but if i pick apart the name i can figure out what it really does. A spectrometer is a scientific instrument used to separate and measure spectral components of a physical phenomenon. Spectrometer is a broad term often used to describe instruments that measure a continuous variable of a phenomenon where the spectral components are somehow mixed. Anti-mass is just another term for Negative Mass, something that also only really exists in theoretical physics, or at least is only referred to in a theoretical sense.

In theoretical physics, negative mass is a type of exotic matter whose mass is of opposite sign to the mass of normal matter, e.g. −1 kg. Such matter would violate one or more energy conditions and show some strange properties, stemming from the ambiguity as to whether attraction should refer to force or the oppositely oriented acceleration for negative mass. It is used in certain speculative hypotheses, such as on the construction of traversable wormholes and the Alcubierre drive. Currently, the closest known real representative of such exotic matter is a region of negative pressure density produced by the Casimir effect.

So this spectrometer would analyze negative mass. This is already getting into science fiction but you can also call theoretical physics "science fiction" itself, just with more math.

To go on, we must assume that the anti-mass spectrometer should be mode-locking an ELW to induct a transuranic crystal,  but in reality it's not an ELW at all. Long wavelengths are invisible, most wavelengths are. an extremely long wavelength would probably? be longer than radio waves, and this is going into the electromagnetic spectrum

"Extremely Long Wavelength" isn't even a real term, so we'll have to turn it into one. "Extremely Low Frequency" is the closest real term in name

Extremely low frequency (ELF) is the ITU designation for electromagnetic radiation (radio waves) with frequencies from 3 to 30 Hz, and corresponding wavelengths of 100,000 to 10,000 kilometers, respectively. In atmospheric science, an alternative definition is usually given, from 3 Hz to 3 kHz. In the related magnetosphere science, the lower frequency electromagnetic oscillations (pulsations occurring below ~3 Hz) are considered to lie in the ULF range, which is thus also defined differently from the ITU radio bands.

ELF's also have multiple definitions depending on who you ask.

ELF is a subradio frequency. Some medical peer reviewed journal articles refer to ELF in the context of "extremely low frequency (ELF) magnetic fields (MF)" with frequencies of 50 Hz and 50–80 Hz. United States Government agencies, such as NASA, describe ELF as non-ionizing radiation with frequencies between 0 and 300 Hz. The World Health Organization (WHO) have used ELF to refer to the concept of "extremely low frequency (ELF) electric and magnetic fields (EMF)" The WHO also stated that at frequencies between 0 and 300 Hz, "the wavelengths in air are very long (6000 km at 50 Hz and 5000 km at 60 Hz), and, in practical situations, the electric and magnetic fields act independently of one another and are measured separately."

A real life example of the usage of these electromagnetic frequencies is the US government using ELFs to communicate with deeply submerged submarines. If this is the type of wavelength Gordon plans on using to induct a transuranic crystal, then he wouldn't need to have a spectrometer do it, nor any mode-locked source array. So it couldn't be ELFs, right? let's forget this tangent and move on IF it is an electromagnetic wave he's using to induct a transuranic crystal, then it would more likely be above the visible light spectrum. The thing is, the electricity in the scene with the anti-mass spectrometer lands within the visible light spectrum. It's green, and green has a wavelength of 500–565 nm (frequency of 530–600 THz). thats 500 nanometers, not a long wavelength at all.

I'm sure whatever writer at valve decided to write out this thesis title didn't research these terms as much as i have just now, either that or they purposefully made it sound obtuse enough to fit into science fiction without it needing to make sense. But the fun of science fiction is that it's based on real science IMO. so lets forget that it says ELW and go the other direction. Extremely Short Wavelength.

Inducting anything with ionizing radiation of a gamma ray would definitely get you results, under any spectrometer. now, i want to go back to the tangent of the transuranic crystal. It's completely possible that there is no such thing and it was made up for the game with the in-game lore that it's from Xen or whatever, but i want to look into the possibility of using elements that exist.

The game implies that they found the crystal but it doesn't outright say it, which covers their ass on the fact that transuranic elements are synthetically made. Neptunium and Plutonium are made through decay chains in Uranium and can also be found in atmospheric tests after a nuclear explosion. So Neptunium and Plutonium can technically be "found".

So let's go through all the transuranic elements and see if any of them can become crystals! Since they all are unstable i'm also gonna list their half-lives  for fun. For reference, STP means standard temperature and pressure

Neptunium (93) - solid at stp, appears silvery and metallic. the most stable isotopes are Np-237 with a half-life of 2.14 million years; Np-236 with a half-life of 154,000 years; and Np-235 with a half-life of 396 days. it's also pyrophoric so not a contender. Plutonium (94) - solid at stp, appears silvery white but oxidizes into grey. it can turn into a pyrophoric powder. Pu-239 has a half-life of 24,100 years and Pu-241's half-life is 14.4 years. Amercium (95) - solid at stp, also a silvery white look, oxidizes. it's used in smoke detectors! half life of 432.2 years Curium (96) - solid stp, its a hard, dense silvery metal that glows purple in the dark. oxidizes very easily, half life ~162 days Berkelium (97) - solid stp. described as a soft silvery-white metal with a half-life of 330 days, but the previous elements would decay into elements with a lower atomic number, where as Berkelium decays into Californium Californium (98) - This one crystalizes under normal pressure, slowly tarnishes under air. silvery appearance. can be used to start up nuclear reactors. Has 20 known isotopes and all their half-lives vary, but its about 2.6 years. Einstienium (99) Silvery and glows blue in the dark, has a paramagnetic field and it's most common isotope has a half-life of 20.47 days Fermium (100) -  the last of the elements that can be created by bombarding lighter elements with neutrons. Longest lived half-life is 100 days, not much is known about it. Mendelevium (101) - can only be produced in particle accelerators, half life between 51 days and 1.17 hours Nobelium (102) - also only avalible through particle accelerators, half life between 58 minutes and 3.1 minutes. the shorter half-lifed isotope is easier to create and therefore used more often for research Lawrencium (103) - from here on out theres less and less information for each transuranic element, including this one. half-life of 11 hours. Rutherfordium (104) - half life of 1.3 hours Dubnium (105) - half life of 28 hours Seaborgium (106) - half life of 14 minutes Bohrium (107) - half life unconfirmed but its between 61 seconds and 690 seconds

I'm gonna go ahead and stop right there since they tend to follow a pattern. The lower the half-life, the less research there is on the element, and it only gets shorter and shorter. So it seems like Californium is the only possible element that could've been used in the experiment because it forms a crystallized structure under normal pressure, as well has having usage in modern nuclear science to start up nuclear reactors, as well as having pretty stable/long-lasting isotopes. the most stable isotope has a half-life of 898 years but the most commonly used isotope is 2.6 years. now, it should be noted that the lower the half-life the more radioactive an element is. all of the transuranic elements decay radioactively and Californium is no exception. Californium's radioactivity has a tendency to disrupt the formation of red blood cells by bio-accumulating in skeletal tissue.

Here's some more information on it's physical properties:

Californium is a silvery white actinide metal with a melting point of 900 ± 30 °C (1,650 ± 50 °F) and an estimated boiling point of 1,745 K (1,470 °C; 2,680 °F). The pure metal is malleable and is easily cut with a razor blade. Californium metal starts to vaporize above 300 °C (570 °F) when exposed to a vacuum. Below 51 K (−222 °C; −368 °F) californium metal is either ferromagnetic or ferrimagnetic (it acts like a magnet), between 48 and 66 K it is antiferromagnetic (an intermediate state), and above 160 K (−113 °C; −172 °F) it is paramagnetic (external magnetic fields can make it magnetic).

The element has two crystalline forms under 1 standard atmosphere of pressure: a double-hexagonal close-packed form dubbed alpha (α) and a face-centered cubic form designated beta (β).

This is a Californium-252 crystal, the one I predict would’ve been used in the test. It has a 2.6 year half-life.

That’s all the research i’ve got for you. 

TL;DR I predict that they’re using Gamma rays through the anti-mass spectrometer to induct Californium into making teleportation real with quantum entanglement.

[lassieposting]

Hi i havent read the books post-resurrection so im kinda lost on why you dont like phase 2 val? She was easily one of my favourite characters ever, she was flawed (and the books took time to acknowledge them) and relatable and still really admirable (intelligent, brave, loyal) and i really liked her and really appreciated that she wasn’t perfect unlike every other young adult heroines. What went wrong😢😢😢😢

Okay I'm gonna put this under a cut because I very strongly dislike phase 2 val and I know it bugs people who don't feel the same, so. Dead dove dont eat

Okay so first off, phase 1 val and phase 2 val are completely different people. literally. phase 1 val was based on an ex-friend of lardo's who used to apparently be involved pretty heavily in like, editing the books and "she'd react like this" or "val wouldn't say that", and that val she was one of my favourite fictional characters from when book one came out to the release of resurrection. phase 2 val is based on his whiny little girlfriend who likes to start shit with 14yos on twitter, and you can absolutely tell she is no longer the same person. so the long story short of "what went wrong" is "the original irl val's friendship with dirty laundry ended for whatever reason and he decided to retcon her entire personality to suit his gf"

Phase 2 Val, in my opinion:

Weak, like won't even fight back when she gets jumped bc boo fucking hoo she's so awful, bitch get up already, nobody signed up for ur pity party

Whiny. So fucking whiny. All the time. And she's the POV character so it's inescapable.

"Pacifist" but in a really pathetic virtue-signalling kind of way like "Oh, I've done such terrible thiiiiiiiiiiings I'm so awfulllllllllllll look how good I'm trying to be nowwwwwwww pay attention to meeeeeeee" kind of way, it was both boring and a massive eye roll. It's a book about magic and asskicking. Kick some ass. We're here for escapism not "realistic" whining. Yes, irl she'd be a mess. As an author it's his job to strike a balance between the "realism" he wants to portray and making his readers so depressed and done with his heroine that they quit reading, and in my case, he absolutely failed.

Everything must be about her at all times. Skug is having personal problems? Fuck him, they're about her now. Everything is about how it affects her, and her feelings, and be damned to the person actually having the problem. Fucks phase 2 val cain gives about anyone except herself: 0

Bitter and jaded. Which yeah I get why but it's like jesus christ what do we get out of reading about this? It's not even good bitter and jaded where it makes you empathise or admire her strength in adversity or whatever, she's just become a really nasty person with no redeeming features that I could see. Which? Landy outright said she's based on his gf? If your boyfriend is gonna drag ur entire personality through the dirt like that and write "you" as just a collection of incredibly negative traits...yikes.

Really ungrateful about the awesome life she leads? Which bugs me bc I fucking hate mundanity and knowing that all there is to life is fucking working and bad mental health. I would kill to live her life. All she does is moan about it. Like? Quit then. Fuck off back to being a mortal if it's that bad and live the shitty life you wanted to get away from in the first place. That way we'd get no more books, and quite honestly, thank fuck for that. But anyway, she needs to pick one, stick with it, and stop complaining about whatever she chose.

The girl wallows in self pity. And if someone else isn't indulging her enough, she'll wallow harder and louder and more obviously. Yawn.

Her POV is now so depressing to read that Resurrection literally tanked my mental health. I'm not kidding. I fell off the self-harm wagon, the suicidal thoughts came back, reading her dissociating would make me dissociate, I just did not cope whatsoever. Being in her head was just like being in my head during my worst points, and I hate myself, so naturally, I hate her too. Like I get why some people like phase two val. I get that her depression is "realistic" and that trauma does just make some people completely dislikeable and self-pitying, and if people want to read about that, then...sure. you do you, my dudes. But I live that reality, I am that person whose trauma made her a dysfunctional, isolated bitch, and I hate, passionately, having it infest the media I consume to escape.

Essentially if I wanted to engage with a bitter, spiteful, depressed piece of shit in her 20s who pushes everyone away and sucks at everything, I'd live my gd life. Yall see me tryna engage with my real life? Hell nah I'm on tumblr dot com burying my head up the ass of whatever fandom will force my brain to produce some s e r o t o n i n and that is what I need this series for

Also? The dynamic she had with skug in phase one? "Until the end"? "You save me, I save you, that's how we work"? Forget that, it doesn't exist anymore. I stopped reading after Midnight, because she was written like he was a coworker she could barely tolerate. They went from "Lardo confirms on twitter that they talked on the phone a bunch while she was in america and he'd always ask her to come home" to "she comes home and proceeds to blank him for five months while she sits in her fuckin multimillionaire's mansion feeling sorry for herself". Their friendship completely disintegrated, they were totally separated for most of the book, she's written as not giving a single shit about him. She treated him like dirt, and their dynamic basically felt like it was becoming "Local Man With History Of Gravitating Towards Abusive Women Makes Same Terrible Choices For Fifth Time" and? that was the point of no return to me. he supports her unconditionally, no matter what he's going through at the time, he's walked on broken bones to try and get to her when she was in danger, she can tell him anything and he'd never use it against her. I did not, for one second in phase two, believe she felt the same about him. tbh it felt like she could - and wanted to - drop him at the first opportunity and not even feel bad about it, and that's not the dynamic that made me so emotionally attached to phase one. i signed up for "until the end", not whatever bullshit phase two has going on.

Apparently she's "less depressed" now and their relationship is "better" in the books published since midnight, which! might well be true. but I haven't read them and don't intend to, and she's gone from one of my favourite fictional characters ever (which! was impressive! because i almost never bond with the female lead - i normally get attached exclusively to the character i crush on, which would be skug here. val was the first female lead i actually cared about since xena! so im deeply salty about losing her!) to a character i? honestly prefer to pretend doesn't exist. i live in war era dead men/generals crackship land because that way, i don't have to acknowledge her or the fuckin character assassination phase 2 pulled on her.

so yeah, no hate towards phase one val at all. phase one val was awesome and flawed and gave me something to aspire to despite my shitty mental health and trauma, and if she'd kept her original personality she might still have been those things. but the original "real life" val is no longer involved (and doesn't talk to landy at all anymore, apparently), and the val based on landy's insufferable gf? i cannot get behind her at all ever, four for skug and none for phase two val cain bye

(tldr; you're not missing anything by quitting after spx)

[thatfunkyopossum]

whys it a worthless video essay? genuinely curious on your thoughts :0

The racism mostly!

Disclaimer: i’m white, and not meaning to speak for any person of color! My opinions on this are formed based on what i noticed in combination with what i know about racism, and I believe that in this case i’m right about what i’ve observed. That said, my observations are open to criticism from any black people who might be reading this and feel like weighing in, as my only personal experiences in bigotry are with my identity as a queer person. In short: i’m not an expert, but i do have eyes and what they see is repulsive. Anyway this will be rambly.

First and foremost, The Tragedy of Droids by @popculturedetective’s editing directly connects the Droids in Star Wars with the atrocities of chattel slavery in the americas, and the perceived connection is at times hinted at in the script.

@4:10 into the video “...they’re also bought and sold like cattle” is a quote i caught when trying to find the following time stamps, because the editing is the real beast here.

There’s also @ 4:35 “you can probably guess where i’m going with this, because the social arrangement i’ve just described is one of property and owner. And a property relationship between two intelligent beings that gives one absolute power over the other is called slavery.”

In this video essay, there are multiple times when the visuals cut between Roots and the droids of Star Wars. This is important because Roots is a mini series based off the family history of the black man who wrote the book, Alex Haley, and the scenes being directly juxtaposed with Star Wars droids are the scenes from it where black people are on slave ships or being sold at auction. TToD essay, which was at the very least presented by a white man, wants the viewer to connect robots and black people for the sake of the essay’s argument. TToD essay wants the connection between real black human beings who actually lived and suffered and died in the real damn world to, i cannot stress this enough, machines.

To anyone who is reading this and not seeing why thats fucked up, because they view the droids as people, here’s the problem. Droids aren’t people. No matter how you slice it, no matter how much you love them, theres actually no way for us to be sure that 99% of droids are sentient beings, that are self aware, and that feel things. Droids in the Star Wars universe are constructed to be tools that talk to you and have fun personalities. Some droids might be self aware and sentient, but the likelihood is that the vast majority aren’t due to being what they are. Tools. This is in stark contrast to black people, because black people are, uh, people!!

At 4:00 into the video essay, we start to see the cuts between Roots and Star Wars. Pop Culture Detective cuts between C-3PO/R2-D2 being sold to Luke’s family and a black woman being put in front of a crowd of white people to be auctioned off. This same sequence of cuts is used again later in the video essay.

At 28:20 into the video, a clip from Star Trek: The Next Generation is used wherein Guinan (played by Whoopi Goldberg, a black woman) is talking about slaves and slavery, how there have been disposable people in history. This clip on its own is so, so good. It aired in 1989, and I have no idea what the political climate was like for black people then (im not as well versed in history as i would like) but i can guess it probably wasn’t good!

“...They do the dirty work. They do the work that no one else wants to do because its too difficult or too hazardous. You don’t have to think about their welfare. You don’t think about how they feel. Whole generations of disposable people.”

And then Pop Culture Detective uses this (to me) powerful line about atrocities done to human beings... and cuts to R2-D2 serving drinks to Jabba’s crew. PCD says some bullshit about how star wars is using the droids as an allegory for slavery but has nothing to say with the metaphor, and then it cuts back to Guinan to finish her speech. Might i say: what the fuck. What the fuck.

I can’t find it right now, but i distinctly remember there is also a bit where the visuals cut straight from a black man’s face to the face of an astromech.

And the cherry on top is that the clones are in this video... and never mentioned. Okay actually i’m going to talk about this video’s treatment of the clones and how utterly fucked up it is because i was so caught up in the “this essay wants you to think of the horrors of chattel slavery done to black people as being even remotely comparable to the existence of R2-D2” that i forgot to talk about the clones.

Okay so this video does not mention the clones at all. It uses clips from the clone wars and clips from the prequels movies with clones in them, but the clones aren’t even so much as talked about in passing. The closest we get is this brushing off of the issue in general @29:50:

“Remember, this is a universe where humanoid slavery exists as well, but its presented as unambiguously negative, though not exactly something the heroes are in a rush to abolish.”

Which is said about Anakin and his mother. And its not like they forgot about the clone wars and to talk about it at all! No, they had this to say on it @15:10. See if you notice anything.

“...But what about Battle droids?... Well, the separatist droid army in the prequels seems specifically designed as little more than canon fodder. Making the bad guys unfeeling robots avoids the messy moral complications and mass casualties that would result from an interstellar war. If battle droids aren’t alive then the audience doesn’t have to care when thousands of them are killed in extended battlefield scenes. Indeed we’re encouraged to think of these types of droids as mere objects and to cheer at their dismemberment.”

Drink it in y’all, i’m still absorbing it. I’ll note that sections of this were played over clips from the first battle of geonosis, and there were clones on screen. So, PCD completely sidesteps the issue of the clones, seemingly unaware of the actual explicit enslavement of brown men who are unquestionably living thinking feeling people, in favor of projecting humanity onto every single droid including the infamously poorly programed B1 Battle droids.

I don’t know what else I can say on that besides the fact that some obscure ass clips from the clone wars are used to humanize the robots, implying that PCD watched tcw and missed the episode where Slick calls the Jedi slavers.

There’s other problems with it as a whole, like the essayist completely failing to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that all droids are sentient, or that even most droids are. No consideration is given to the purpose, construction, or make/model of droid into the question of “are they sentient”? And we’re left with the implication that your average mouse droid is at all relatable to a black person.

In fact, PCD in this essay seems to actually imply that r2-d2 and bb8 being sentient-ish robots we’re supposed to empathize with, and the battle droids being not that, is due to a failure/breakdown of internal logic. And not that they’re, you know, different machines...?

I have so much to say on this mess, but this is long enough as it is. In conclusion, Pop Culture Detective’s video essay should have been about the clones, but it chose to focus on droids instead and in doing so dehumanized black people in an attempt to humanize robots.

I’ll leave you with this quote from the video, but edited slightly to be instead about the clones.

“[Slick]’s observations about [clone] slavery could have been an opportunity for Star Wars to finally grapple with the uncomfortable fact that...the good guys seem to have been keeping sentient beings in a state of perpetual servitude.”

[twinvictim]

your opinions on each of the post team silent games and a rating out of 10. hand 'em over

YEAHHHHHH FINALLY CATERING TO ME!!!

Uh really long post oops. for reference, my rating for the first 4 sh's are as follows

Sh1: 9/10 Sh2: 7/10 Sh3: 9/10 Sh4: 9.5/10

Silent Hill 0/Origins

overall score: 7/10

Alot of the games issues can of course be attributed to it being a psp game, and while i won't excuse everything bc of that, j have to be honest and say I think it had so much potential as a (very) late ps2 game. Not to mention, the game ON THE PSP functions as it should. (The ps2 port does fucking not tho..oops) ans you'll see that this is...a rarity post team silent.

The story has alot of potential, Travis as a character is interesting and sympathetic and j think his dynamic with alessa js super fascinating to dig into, both of them being abused children and there was alot of intrigue regarding his powers, the game feels like a smaller more watered down she, and for that I can't fault it too much. The weapons system isn't my favorite but the combat itself is reminiscent of 1 and 2 and I really like a good chunk of the monster design, there was clearly thought and care put into it, nurses and strughtjackets/lying figures be dammed. The unlockables are pretty cool though and alot of the environments look pretty cool for a psp game, hell i LOVE the theater level its super unique, I would love to see it in (actually functional) better graphics. I also think the puzzles are pretty solid, not hair pulling like sh1 even if they're not quite as clever as say sh3.

My biggest criticisms come from the reuse of sh1 characters (just alessa and Travis would've been fine, maybe dahlia and some more org characters would've been better) the bad ending being straight up bad writing. Not to mention they did the sh3 thing of "kill too many monsters and get the bad ending" which is...stupid. The foreshadowing of the butcher being? He's just kinda there, I like the lead up but it would be more interesting if the butcher represented something from those years between Travis' father dying and him being an adult. And while there's more replayability imo than sh2, it doesn't have difficulty sliders and that makes it kinda hard to come back to quite as often. Not to mention unlike sh1, 3or sh4 there's not as much horror focus and random events.

Overall, solid game its fun to play, very silent Hill and if you're willing to look past a few continuity errors and accept its a little different and slightly derrivitive at the same time, I like to say I had alot of fun with it and still do. (Maybe I just like Travis alot...idk)

Silent Hill: Homecoming

Overall score: 6/10

Once again most of the issues here are gonna be corporate fuck ups, but I'm also not gonna beat around the bush, this game isn't like...good. its bad actually. "But you gave it a 6/10?" Yeah bc its not NEARLY as bad as some other games I've.. experienced.

The negatives here are, many and vast, so let's run them down. Firstly the games performance is janky on console (ps3 at least) and abysmal/unplayable on PC, what with framerate issues that are detrimental to game play on pc and make the third boss impossible. That said on console it is completable and not even too terrible...usually. Scarletts boss fight however is terribly unbalanced and broken on all skews so :/. The combat is...functional but not anyone's favorite, it's difficult to use any actually strong weapon and you can pretty much strong arm ur ways through shit with just the knife (except scarletts first form..don't try it, it won't work) for some people this will be borening (not my opinion but w/e). Most of The puzzles...leave alot to be desired. I hate sliding block puzzles. Also no run button? At all?? No easy mode? Ok... also what is this.. wheel design for the inventory...im accidentally using my serum..what is serum also? And why is the item pickup noise like...bass boosted.

The character models look awful most of the time, and comically unfinished other times, some human models are just grotesque, (judge halloway, Adam shepherd, mayor Bartlett. .you get it) and yes...there are sexy nurses. Bc of course there are. (Whole ass out???) They did straight up have some terrible endings for this game (ph ending for one, the way you get the ufo? Hell the ufo ending is kinda boring. I like the in water ending here too but. Yeah.) the story has some, problems. To say the least.

However, while the performance is bad its not the worst I've played (on the ps3 once again..unplayable on pc) and I hardly noticed the framerate when I was just running around, I personally found the combat kinda fun, between trying to dodge accurately and still attack and not use all my health items (bc those and ammo are actually rare! Unlike some games...) it is kind of a challenge and reminds me of a much worse sh4. And hey, the health items both heal an understandable amount of health that i can easily read with a bar (unlike 1-3) and they're not a complete joke (unlike sh4...) i find the exploration really fun and sure the characters look shit but the environments are Fucking great. The church is one of my fav sections, short as jt might be and yes it stole the confessional scene but its pretty well written and acted I think. The monster design is pretty fucking rad too honestly, I like the schism, siam, I like the DESIGN of the needlers even if they make me so mad to fight, and hey the nurses and ph don't show up that much to be too aggregious. The boss monsters are also fantastic design wise, very unsettling and the boss rooms are interesting as well.

The story has problems but it also has alot of potential, the concept of people sacrificing ther children for silent Hill and being overcome by their own pain and guilt is pretty fucking cool, and alex is a good character they did a good job of giving him personality, ppl bitch about him being a soldier but a) he's not and b) soldiers are people too, and a sh game that could tackle toxic masculinity, be critical of the military, and also tackle abusive religeious parents is pretty intriguing, not to mentions themes of brotherly love that's complicated bc of how they clearly favored Josh . Sure, it misses the mark, but I like taking the potential and thinking about it bc its compelling to me. And like I said, i like alex alot.

Overall, bad game yes, but not the worst as it has enough good for me to honestly really enjoy it, besides it is pretty funny when it is bad. Don't play the pc port tho

Silent Hill Shattered Memories

Overall Score: 8/10

Unpopular opinion im sure but honestly? I find this game ALMOST on par with the team silent games. Its really that good, yes its a wii game, so this is my score taking into account the motion controls BTW.

For the good, man where do i start. Its BEAUTIFUL for a wii game and esp for a post team silent game, the graphics are nice and Constsitent, the environments are pretty and it has a pretty nice cold color pallet to contrast the warmer tones the series tends to skew towards. The acting and intrgrige are all on point and the WRITING is fantastic, its one of those games you play the first time not knowing the twist and play the second time picking up more and more clues and things that strengthen that twist so much more. Like sh2 its a simple story told in such a clever and interesting way that you'll probably be too invested to put it down, I beat it in one sitting in 6 hours bc i was so engrossed in the narrative. And the Puzzles man! The puzzles are phenomenal and fun to accomplish and there's even a little bit of variety in a few places on repeat playthroughs. The level of detail in this game is insane really, the things that change with the different psychology answers are pretty cool too and tho it all plays out relatively the same its still fun to see the different things you can get to happen. The gimmicks like the phone as an object, taking pictures, sneaking and zooming in, they're not too intrusive as to take away from the exploration or other game play but not completely useless and have some pretty fun Easter eggs too. The game plays sort of like a worse outlast with good puzzles and for that I do have to commend it. Oh and the fucking MUSIC is INCREDIBLE idk something ab this soundtrack has alot of heart put into it clearly.

Now, it's not perfect. The thing is, it is a WORSE outlast type game, in the running and hiding sense but well, the hiding is completely useless, its a run away game, which is ok, but I understand that people aren't gonna be a big fan of that when silent Hill has always balanced combat ad puzzles and exploration. The running segments are..aggravating, mostly bc its hard to figure out where to go, not to mention using motion controls that don't like to work half the time to fight the monsters off of you. Also, the monsters are not scarey in the slightest and the raw shock scream is actually enragaging if you've died one to many times, there's also...not really any penalty for dying. And once you're out for these running segments,there's no danger, no monsters, nothing to hide from despite having a hiding mechanic. Its not really a horror game more of a psycological thriller and I understand that the fact that its not horror can be disappointing. The psychology things might be a bit overhyped And yeah fine, the wii foreplay scene...well yeah its weird but it IS also funny as fuck.

That said, there's still alot thats good and alot thas unfair criticism lobbed at this game. Harry didn't have much of a personality in sh1 bc he's a ps1 character and sm really fleshed him out well, not to mention giving cybil some nice characterization, and they did some interesting things with dahlia and kaufmann. And Lisa.. well I'm gonna be honest I never found Lisa all that interesting in sh1..so it doesn't bother me that she's the way she is in this game. I know people hate the "horny" aspect of it but to be completely fair, YOU choose to make the game that way, don't answer in a sexual manner or look at boobs or anything else and you won't have an overly sexual game, its...literally that easy. Its given as an option for the play id they want to go for what is arguably another joke ending. (You cannot tell me sleeze and sirens is meant to be a real serious ending to the game. Cmon) and you can complain about the innacuuracies if you want but its a spin off, a retelling of the original game. Its not canon, and it didn't change the original game. It just took the ideas presented there and made them more human and lest fantastical, there's some supernatural elements but it takes a backseat to the human moments. And its honestly really cool.

Overall, great game, i reccomend it if you don't mind some slight jank with the motion controls and honestly? Look up directions on where to go for the running segments and you'll have a pretty good time overall.

Silent Hill Downpour

Overall score (so far): 7.5/10 *to be noted i haven't finished actually playing it yet but I know the basic plot and some of the details so I doubt it'll change

And so for the final silent Hill Game, I have to say, i don't think it deserves NEARLY the hatred it gets, there's alot about it that i find really cool and even fun and I think its a solid entry, a little better than origins in some parts and its downsides are both unfortunate and once again, mostly Konami's fault . That said, I'm also not gonna kid and say its a good game, just that I like it alot and we should be nicer to the last silent Hill game were probably ever gonna get.

Downpour has a pretty good, original story overall, there's alot to it, alot of intricacies and intrigue to it that honestly make it a pretty sold silent Hill game. Its different enough from the others to stand out but not super far removed from its themes and messages. I like that it doesn't try and lean into the cult aspect and tries to do something else with it, it doesn't try to explain silent Hill, but just use it to torment the characters, as it should be. There's tragedy ad human feelings here and some of them aren't the most...sensitive but they are pretty reasonable reactions id say. Playing as someone who's odds are stacked against him from the beginning as he's a prisoner is a cool way to open the game, someone convicted and you must discover if he is a good person or not. Themes of revenge explored more than in sh3 which is pretty cool. The environments look pretty nice, and i like the look of the otherworld, once again being unique with its cooler color pallet, but without the ice so it really feels like its own thing. The EXPLORATION is awesome with an actual open world which I think works well, there's alot to do in town (unlike sh1 and 0 on limiting hardware and 2 which just pretends you can explore to town but you cant) there's alot for cool little stories and sidequests to do, my favorite so far being the cinema (which has a section of ACTUAL fixed cameras like old Resident evils which is smth SH has never done and its super fucking cool!) And all the sidequess help strengthen murphy as a cheacter and argue for his innocence or complexites. The weapons system is pretty cool, picking up items and attacking with whatever you might find, finding cool Easter eggs with exploration and having fun noticing things. And it does honestly have the strongest side characters outside of SM. The puzzles are pretty solid and fun to figure out with some cool mechanics and the seperate difficulties is a great thing to bring back (actually done well like sh3) I also kind of like the method of triggering the night world/rain/monsters, and silent Hill really feels likes its constantly punishing Murphy, as it should. The music might not be Akira but its still pretty damn good, and fuck yall I like the Korn song, and you CAN press start and skip it yknow. (Thx tomm hewlit)

The negtitives tho, well they are there. For one it has the worst performance of any sh game outside of pc homecoming and like...the hd collection, the framerate like to shit itself alot lmao, its not usually detrimental bc I've played re2r with similar framerates but, yeah its not great. Not to mention while the models look better than hc they don't animate well or often at all, and the game has trouble loading in the models as fast as they should. The sound mixing could use...some work too, poor murph sounds like he's eating the mic. While I find the games exploration really fun, murphy also has the issue of not running very fast so it can be a little annoying to get back to a place you want to be when you can't run that fast, not to mention the loading times. The monster design is def the worst in the series, maybe on par w SM. Which is disappointing bc there's some pretty good moments here and there, but not nearly enough to make it scary and there's so much you can do with monsters with this premise. Also, the running sections in the otherworld are better than SM ad even more engaging than the brief ones in 2 and 3, but still, I'd prefer to do puzzles or fight a boss or smth. I will also say, the endings are, iffy while the main 2 endings are really good and Anne's bad ending as well as the joke ending are great, murphys bad endings are weird and ooc for the muphy you come to know in the game (even more so than Origins) plus, idk that the writers knew all that much about prison andbprison culture, nobody in a real prison would be mad ab Murphy killing a pedo (there's some racist implications here and there too which is. Unfortunate and disappointing. I like Howard and Robbie but they are a bit tropey, esp Howard) that said Anne is a compelling albeit unlikable character and thas pretty cool to see pulled off.

Overall, while it has downsides, I don't think Downpour is worthy of all the scorn it gets, this can have problems and you can point them out without disregarding the good parts and while it is unfortunate it doesn't run better and have some extras and didn't handle some things great, I still think its worth a playthrough, esp if you go out of your way to do the sidequests.

Bonus round

Book of memories is not a game I intend to play bc I don't wanna get a vita and can't imagine I'm missing much. It doesn't look bad pwr say but I'm not interested tbh

Fuck PT. :)

[tylerwritez]

TUESDAY JULY 13 10:42 A.M.

JUDE IS BACK FROM HIS HIATUS!!!!

One thing I think I will no longer be doing is writing down negative feelings and thoughts and... leaving them there. No. Next time I vent, I delete it right after.

If you want something to be sad over, you'll find something. But if you GENUINELY ATTEMPT to be happy, you will be.

So try harder.

Also, my new phone background is a collage thing of me and my friends at Rebecca's house.

I originally did it as this cool way to remember my besties XD but now it also kinda helps my #SelfEsteem because whenever I think my face is ugly, I look at my phone background and I'm like "that's what you look like, no filter, nothing" and it makes me happier because in that background image I just see a boy being stupid with his friends and I sorta smile like "yeah, that IS what I look like, no filter"

I like it cos, those pictures were taken without me doing anyhting to try and look better, so I KNOW that's like. How I REALLY look. And tbh? Not that bad.

I don't even really mind my smile lines anymore. Cos they're from SMILING!!! means I'm a happy guy.

ALSO I THINK I PASS IN MY BACKGROUND? because I'm that kinda of ugly that says "male" yk, especially next to my friends who are girls/nonbinary I just seem so Boy idk its gender... the photo set is very Gender for my face XDDD THIS IS REALLY STUPID

oh well. Positivity only now, babes.

Also! You may have noticed my HIATUs from posting!!! Yeah, I'll still post, and I'll update y'all on my life... but NOT DAILY... I don't really have the time for that.

I'll do it maybe whenever I feel like, but I'll try and stick to weekly, biweekly, idk, whenever I feel like I should talk about my life, whenever things happen.

Right now I'm actually on a roadtrip!!!

We just spent a day on all the amusement park rides at the Calgary Stampede!! It was AWESOME.

Also we have spent time in #nature and I'm COLLECTING! ROCKS! >:) THEY ARE WAY COOLER OUTSIDE MY HOMETOWN JUST SAYING...

Maybe I'll find a hagstone.

So far no, I've only found cool stripey ones but no hagstones.

Maybe I'm not meant to find a hagstone. Maybe whatever gives me my good luck is protection enough.

ACTUALLY, ON THAT NOTE, I HAVEN'T STOLEN ANYTHING FOR THIS WHOLE TRIP... SO LIKE 1 OR 2 WEEKS. WHICH IS CRAZY!!! PROUD OF MYSELF :)

ALSO I HAVEN'T CUT MYSELF FOR LIKE A MONTH MAYBE(?) WHICH IS SO WOW.

see? I can totally do this! You'll see.

Lately I haven't been stressing AT ALL. like. So much happiness and fun, out on my roadtripppp!

I have had a few stressors.... but like. I've done my best to push them aside, because I know it'll be better not to think about them.

Like, I'm starting to think all my unhappiness cOMES FROM THINKING ABOUT MY STRESSORS TOO MUCH... OVERTHINKING.

However, if I tell myself "don't worry, you'll find a way, you always do" and then try n forget, I'm so much happier.

Here are my current #stressors... since everyone loves some drama (I'm listing em)

1. I MIGHT LOSE MY VIRGINITY UHHHH AND IM NERVOUS AND IDK IF I SHOULD OR WHAT ITLL  FEEL LIKE OR IF I SHOULD WAIT.... AAAAAAAA IDK ITS KINDA SCARY COS WHAT IF IT HURTS A LOT... WHAT IF IT FUCKS ME UP. IDK. I KNOW NOTHING.

2. MY STEALING + CUTTING ISSUES... LIKE. I'M ADDICTED???? AND OFC IM HAPPY I MANAGE TO GET BY WITHOUT IT BUT SOMETIMES ITS VERY HARD. TO RESIST. YOUR URGES.

man if that god guy is real I bet hes happy with me (or I guess god can be a girl, or nonbinary, or maybe is not male but still uses he/him, or maybe DOESNT use he him pronouns and we are fuckig it up???? Idk I will just say "he")

(I doubt god has a gender tho lol. He made man and woman in his image yeah? So then.... uh.... he would be intersex(?)

Personally I think god has No genitals at all and No gender either. But then again, I dont even believe in a god...)

ALL IM SAYING IS. IF GOD WAS REAL. THEY WOULD PROBABLY BE PLEASED THAT I AM. RESISTING SIN? SO WELL.

... cos cutting yourself IS a sin....

That used to upset me so much dude. I read this bible passage... and it would be CONSTANTLY referenced. Your body is a temple. Its sinful to harm your body. Its sinful to use drugs, is what they said at school, but like. What about other types of intentional harm? Sin. Sinful.

I used to be so invested in that Catholicism shit, man. And afterward, after I. Did the cutting. I'd be covered in half dried sticky blood. I'd smell the metallic smell so strongly.... because I bled out A LOT... its incredible to me honeslty, how such minor styros and occasional light fat cuts can gush out so MUCH blood. It's a lot. It's more than you'd expect from a little cut. The cuts pool up with blood and then overflow.

It trickles down your legs.

But I'd be patching myself up afterward (basically tryna clean the blood, stop the bleeding, make sure I didnt bleed out onto my sheets and dirty them in my sleep... make sure I didnt leave evidence) and I'd think to myself "this is a sin, I am a sinner..."

Ofc my stupid ass was constantly begging for forgiveness, praying, reading the bible, blah blah, please I just wanna serve you, please help me, please...

What a pathetic state to be in most of my junior high years HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA XD XDDDDD LMAOOOO LMFAOOOOOO ROFLLLLL

like. I had a corner of the school I used SPECIFICALLY to cry.

How sad...

BUT NOW IM IN HIGH SCHOOL!!!! AND I AM PLEASED TO INFORM YOU THAT I HAVE

0 CRYING SPOTS

MANY MAKING OUT SPOTS

like woah its almost like. I dont have to suffer at all.

I'm winning now.

W. What was I talking about before I started rambling. Idk. I forget. Oh well.

POSITIVITY ONLY BABES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ILL KEEP YALL UPDATED I SWEAR

SIGNING OFF,

JUDE SHEPARD

[loyally-unfaithful]

—; but “sentimental boy” is my nom de plume

word count: 1916

pairing: connor/gn!reader

genre: slight fluff; hurt no comfort

summary: it has been a year after the android revolution. humans and android alike settled down, an olive branch was offered as a sign of reconciliation. with newfound peace came along newfound love, and many open roads to choose from. this was no different for the rk800—connor. surprisingly or unsurprisingly, he decided to continue working at the dpd, this time as a bonafide detective. but he has also accepted the thrilling uncertainty of life that deviancy has brought; the same strings that brought his lover in his life.the same ones he hated and cursed, the same fates who ripped it all away.

a/n: everytime i convince myself i came out of my dbh hyperfixation i just look at connor and i become lovesick again.

gosh i know i should be finishing my other fic or work on the prologue script for my vn, but,,,,,,, i just had a sudden hankering for connor angst,,,,

written during a sleep deprivation induced moment of epiphany,,,,, (purple prose cuz im extra af uwu)

I’ve never written angst before so i’d love to hear your thoughts on it

maybe if you asked him one year ago whether he’d consider returning someone’s feelings, romantic feelings, he’d reply to you with a placid smile and a polite « i’m sorry, i wasn’t programmed to reciprocate romantic interest. ». he remembered that he’d sneer at them internally. now thinking about it, long before he questioned his obedience towards her, he already showed signs of deviancy.

you did what you were designed to do.

memories from his past would still torment him erratically, doubts would resurface on particularly dark days. but you were the light that cut through that haze. this wasn’t a “fake deviancy”. it couldn’t have been. not when he is holding your body so close to his, warmth radiating off of each other, two heartbeats—similar, but different—thrumming together. all the softly whispered and adoringly announced « i love you »’s; all the quick and coveted pecks and all the feverish and passionate kisses. no, he was alive, he was sure of it—alive and absolutely enamoured by you. all semblance of doubt ebbed away when you entered his life.

whenever he’s around you, he feels more alive: you make him feel everything, all the little precious things. tenderness and adoration when he shares tranquil mornings with you. he feels more alive when he’s with you, all the little habits and routines too endearing: the sweet post-it notes scattered over your shared flat; scribbled upon it are encouraging words or sweet nothings. conflicting work schedules meant that moments spent together were scarce, but that made them even more valuable and coveted. captivation, was another emotion that he felt around you. your mannerism, your dreams and interests, your physical attributes and quality of voice. logically speaking, you were just another human, insignificant in the grand scheme of things. you’d live and then one day, you’d die. as if you never really existed. but he wasn’t being logical. how could he be? when you were right there in front of him? you made him irrational, and he found that new aspect in life thrilling. confusing at first, but exciting. he was eternally grateful that you let him experience all these beautiful emotions with you. he was grateful that you allowed him in your short journey that you called life.

he was happy, absolutely content, with his shared life with you. you were both in perfect places in your respective lives: you both had a stable job, loving family backing you up, and a fulfilling love life. what seemed to be a mismatched couple at first turned to be 2 pieces of the same puzzle finally finding their place. life for the both of you couldn’t be better.

but along with the many exquisite moment that your romantic endeavours brought you, the android didn’t only taste the sweet delicacies of life; no matter how idyllic a moment may be, there were times when he had to taste the astringent and sour desserts life offered.

anger. that was an emotion that he felt. but that’s not accurate, no… it was frustration and shock and betrayal, all the unsavoury feelings in the world. perhaps it was due to his inexperience, maybe his lack of exposure to these negative sentiments, that caused him to snap the way he did. to hurt you the way he did. but it happened and there was no turning back the clock.

no matter how much he begged and cried for it.

he was proud that you got the job offer in canada, he really was. and he, like any other caring boyfriend would, offered to accompany you there, an offer which you gladly accepted. that was the plan. but plans were difficult to follow. crime waits for no man, working for the law meant that connor must always be available for duty. no excuses, he was an android. but connor wasn’t just a simple android detective, no, he had a much more important role: he was the link, the messenger, between jericho and the police force. he was the crucial communication between the two forces. so when jericho contacted him about threats of anti-android attacks, he had to make an appearance at their base. the meeting coincided with the day you were meant to travel to canada. it was a simple trip really. it only took a few hours by train, stay in canada for 2 days (it was the weekend), and then return back to detroit, probably arriving in the late afternoons to their home.

but you were looking forwards to traveling with your wonderful partner after « [we] spent so much time apart ». the day he told you the urgent change of plans, connor was tired, overwhelmed. you were frustrated and expectant. a fight was bound to have erupted. accusatory statements, along the lines of: « you don’t actually care about me! it’s all about work and work and work! » and « i can’t believe how selfish you’re being right now! » in between shouting and yelling and frustration and anger and contempt–

you both went to bed exhausted but spiteful, still not forgiving each other. in hindsight, he felt so utterly pathetic, so unbelievably childish, for being that cruel, and uncaring. he didn’t want to be like him again. so many glares and insults were thrown at each other, tears threatened to spill, LED flashed and shone a true red, doors were slammed. he felt awful, plain and simple. you both lied in the same bed, under the same cover. so close yet so excruciatingly far apart. back facing the other’s, no one said a word.

you woke up before him. bitter and unhappy. no morning kisses, no whispered « i love you » to wake your other half. you wordlessly got yourself ready, grabbed your bag and quietly snuck out. no post it notes were left. no sweet promises or encouraging words. you could do this work trip without him. you were independent. you didn’t need a tin can to chaperone you everywhere. so you left. plain and simple. gone. since you woke up and left earlier than planned, you boarded an earlier train. how lovely and convenient. the carriages were mostly filled with androids. perhaps they were trying to immigrate to canada like the others. who knows. you paid no mind and absentmindedly scrolled through your phone, obsessively checking your messages to see if connor realised. to see if he apologised. because frankly, at that point you were tired of being mad and just wanted to spend the day in his arms. but prideful and petty as you were, you weren’t willing to apologise and admit your mistakes first.

connor roused from stasis a few moments afterward, less bitter and more regretful. he wished to right his wrongs but the normally warm presence beside him was not there. his system was slowly booting back up when his audio sensor picked up an incessant ringing from the living room. he jolted up and rushed out to pick up the ringing phone call and waited for the other side to speak up.

the room was so utterly quiet, a silence so suffocating engulfed the room, that you could hear a pin drop. the voice on the other side asked whether this was indeed your house and that he was indeed connor anderson. he swallowed dryly and answered with a soft, « yes ». running a quick check in his database, he matches the caller’s voice with a certain nathaniel edwards. first responder. he allowed his HUD to display the news. if androids could get pale, have all their blood drain from their faces, his would have certainly done so. he stood, rigid and motionless, consumed by shock and horror.

the news and the first responder’s words blended into one as he gripped the phone tighter: « this morning, at 7:48 am the train from detroit to toronto was caught in a devastating turn of events: the train soon caught in fire and exploded as it made its way over the border. it has been confirmed that there has been 0 survivors. it is unclear whether this was an unfortunate accident or the result of anti-android terrorism. »

the other person’s voice poured through the speaker but he wasn’t listening. he stared blankly in front of him. no way, he thought, it couldn’t have been… the only sign that the android was registering the other man’s input was the now constant red LED.

« sir? sir. i’m sorry to bring this— – no, this isn’t right… you must have the wrong number, he interrupted. there were probably others with your name… maybe they were mistaken... – sir that’s not possible, w— – you must have gotten the wrong house… not… it-it couldn’t have been…» but he knew how improbable it was that they got the wrong number. he was built to be logical, to believe statistics. the statistics told him you were dead. long gone. he hoped and prayed that you stayed back, didn’t get on the earlier train. the statistics told him you did.

he choked out a response, quiet and defeated. you were gone. he’d never get to see you again. « i… i’m sorry… i-i don’t understand… – we tried our best to find them sir, but… the fire was too severe… if we gain any new developm— – you didn’t save them. »

still in a daze, he must have hung up on the poor man and unceremoniously dropped the phone. its clatter the only sound in this deafening silence. the reality of it all comes crashing through and he collapsed, ugly sobs escaping him as the denial faded away to make way for the pure and unfiltered grief. he felt lost. for the first time in a long while since amanda he felt so utterly and completely lost. no more shining beacon during his dark and stormy nights. no more valued affection and coveted kisses. no more notes and no more smile to come home to.

he laughed bitterly, devoid of any humour. it was funny, just how cruel the fates were: made human life so fleeting. lachesisonly gave them such a short eternity. and when he thought you both found your missing halves, bound to another by an invisible string, atropos cuts it. a small snippet that is so easily ripped away from you. he belonged with you, he felt at peace with you. he was able to be what he struggled to be for the majority of his miserable and artificial existence. with you, he was able to be happy.

but now he’ll have to get used to not coming home to a warm embrace. he’ll have to get used to going into stasis alone, in the cold bed. he’ll have to get used to his aching heart being greeted by an empty house. every cold and lonely  nights. it’s ridiculous how human he felt because of you. and he was both thankful and spiteful for it.

sadness and bitter regret ripped through him when he remembered that he didn’t  share goodbyes before he left. he remembered how he couldn’t have apologised to you and tenderly held you. he regretted not being able to tell you how much he loved you and how much you meant to him for the last time. ra9 only knows the things he’d do and the things he’d sacrifice, just to have you in his arms again.

instead he was faced with the bitter reminder that the last thing he’s ever said to you, your last memory of him, was a contemptuous and scornful « i wished i never met you ».

like my work? consider buying me a coffee // checking out my masterlist | links can be found on my desc

[slightlyaggressiveaffirmations]

(0% trying to be rude but i have problems with tone sometimes so i hope it doesn't come off that way) ok so like, ive been hearing the terms nonbinary man/woman more and more lately and it upsets me bc im just nb and it feels like now that thats such a thing even when people know im nb theyll still think im one of the two? like theyre not doing anything wrong they can be who they are but ive used this term for years and now it seems to give people the exact opposite impression of what i mean...

Hi Anon Frond!

I couldn’t figure out a way to write an affirmation for this but let me respond with: 

YOUR FEELINGS ARE 9000% VALID AND I TOTALLY FUCKING GET WHY YOU FEEL LIKE THIS!!!

Also, you aren’t rude at all. (You should see some of the messages I get. Damn...) I can’t understand what it’s like to be nonbinary, of course, but I absolutely relate to the feeling that even though other people aren’t doing anything wrong by living their best life and going through the world authentically, it still affects you in a negative way.

I wish I could give you better advice. This seems like a really difficult dilemma, and I hope I’m understanding it correctly: Acknowledging the authenticity of nonbinary men and women without giving the impression that all nonbinary people also use “man” or “woman”. I think this is one that I’m going to have to throw to the community. Does anyone have any thoughts? Any Gender Studies folk out there?

For the time being, I can tell you three absolute definite things:

1. YOU ARE WHATEVER GENDER YOU SAY YOU ARE AND NOTHING ALTERS THAT!!!

2. Your feelings are absolutely valid and you have the right to feel them.

3. It’s always OK to correct people. About your gender or your pronouns. Saying “actually I use they/them” (or whatever pronouns you use) is always acceptable. You are NOT being annoying, unreasonable, inconvenient, frustrating, petty or anything else. If other people think you are those things that is because THEY are inconsiderate, rude, insensitive people, and that is a THEM problem. Not a YOU problem. Would it be OK for them to get your name wrong? NO! So it’s not OK to get your pronouns wrong.

3b. I know it’s fucking frustrating, but it’s also fine to set people straight. “I know that some people say they’re a nonbinary man, but I’m just nonbinary and my pronouns are...” You can say that. Ask friends and family to take some of that emotional labour off your hands. Ask them to correct people who get your gender or pronouns wrong when you aren’t even around. Your gender doesn’t change just because you aren’t there and ignorant people need the reinforcement.

I really hope points 1-3 can be at least some help to your awesome nonbinary self. If there’s anyone else with any thoughts, I invite them to comment or reblog - we’ve had some solid community input lately, which has been fucking awesome. Keep it up, squad!!!

- The Slightly Aggressive Affirmer

[nad-zeta]

Match up (◕‿◕✿)

nAdDy sEnpAi if you’re still doing ikevamp matchups, could you do mine pleaseee 👉🏼👈🏼, school’s been really hectic and i need a pick me up 😔😔 here’s my updated info hehe 😚

I’m a female on the libra-scorpio cusp and a Slytherin, I used to be an ENFP but now I’m an INFP. Appearance-wise, I’m 5'2, i’ve brown eyes and caramel brown hair. I also wear glasses and I’m also quite tanned from being out in the sun all the time.

Personality-wise:

- I can be really enthusiastic about stuff I’m really interested in, such as history (especially world war history), sciences (but physics is trash to me) and anime (I’m a closet nerd hehe) .

- I can be really ambitious and competitive, and I would sometimes place unrealistic expectations on myself, leaving me mentally exhausted and stressed, but like i place these unrealistic measures on myself to strive to be the best

- I do try to chill and take it slow, but you know, sometimes i just can’t 😅

- I’m quite an open book to all my close friends

- I also tend to be really possessive, like I dont like people purposely trying to steal my friends (it happened a lot of times before) and i hate it when someone randomly butts into a conversation i’m having with anyone, especially if it’s a deep conversation

- I can be really awkward around people i don’t click with, but around people i click with, i can be pretty wild and will be able to hold conversations with.

- I tend to procrastinate a lot, and people say i look intimidating but i don’t feel like I’m intimidating.

- I can be really sensitive to other’s emotions and i tend to put others before me, so like my close friend always told me that i’m too much of a giver, like I try to please everyone else and ignore myself

- My love languages are physical touch and quality time

- I can’t stand people who are attention seekers or just aim to be public nuisances as i feel that they’re just really irritating and it gets on my nerves, especially those people who are just doing stupid things to be popular (which is lowkey why i think tiktoks dances are dumb, like seriously i dont get the hype, but i do like tiktok meme videos tho)

- I listen to a lot of different genres of music, but i especially love classics (mozart and chopin are my favourites) and pop.

- I can really insecure at times, because i always feel that every other girl out there is better than me and i’m just a plain and ugly, and partially because i got bullied when i was younger about my appearance

- I like dressing up and putting on makeup occassionally, but i do act like a tomboy most of the time (ie. I hate skirts, like i really dont like them and i have no idea why, but jeans are supreme).

- I also love playing the piano and singing as well, even though i’m not that good at it :D

- People tell me that I’m very curious and persistent, constantly pushing until i get answers, but i do know my limits.

- I’m also very passionate about things I love, and i would do anything to protect people that i care and love.

- I’m also very affectionate and supportive towards my close friends and people i love. - I do have trust issues and I often feel like i do not deserve love and that I hate people who betray my trust.

- I’m ok with pda, but not anything overly affectionate, like hand-holding and kissing is ok, but not making out 😳😖

- I also tend to be pretty forgettful, and i’ll not eat for hours to get my work on hand done (whoop pretty unhealthy but :0)

- I’m also really sarcastic when i want to be, and i can’t hold a poker face to save my life (i swear i always start laughing like 2 seconds in) and I tend to sass people a lot, especially if I’ve had a bad day

- I’m also pretty fiesty and I hate people stereotyping me for my gender (i.e like when someone says that “oh you’re pretty good for a girl”) like what does my gender have to do with my ability? Like there is zero correlation

- My sense of humour is kind of twisted at times but i really love memes and i tend to crack inappropriate jokes sometimes

- I’ve been told that i come across as really flirty to some guys but it’s because i can be really touchy feely to my friends

- I’m also quick to anger, especially if i have a bad day, i hate people who nag and i hate people who put down others

- I’m kind of touch-starved, so i really like hugs and cuddles, but I’m also ticklish so my friends tend to tickle me when hugging me

- I can be a daydreamer at times, like I would get stuck in my own fantasy world when i shouldn’t 😂😂

- I’m also a drama queen around my friends, I dont have a lot of them in real life because of some rumours that others spread, so i only have a close circle of friends i really treasure and would do anything for them

- I also tend to bottle up all my anger and negative thoughts, and would sometimes like explode on others even though I don’t mean to

- Sometimes I don’t really think before I say or act, which is why sometimes I can come off as a bit rude or unfeeling but it’s just me and my impulsiveness 

Fun Facts:

- i really love food, especially sweets (dark chocolate and dango is my life)

- i really hate horror movies (I’m usually pretty brave, but horror movies just get to me so much ergh) but i love chick flicks and adventure flims

- I’m also a hopeless romantic, which is why even little romantic gestures can make my heart flutter

- My hobbies are reading, writing and shooting (only air-rifle though)

- I used to be pretty athletic, I still am, but to a lesser extend now, because i injured my left knee playing volleyball in the past. It’s on it’s road to recovery, but it still hurts quite badly when i overexert myself.

- I love artic foxes and cats, dogs are too energetic for me 😅

- I’m also a sneaker hoarder and I love collecting and wearing sneakers hehe, heels are like torture devices for the feet i dont care even if they make me taller

- Coffee over tea anyday, no offense to peoples who like tea, but a fresh cup of brewed coffee is one of the best things in the world 😚

- I’m really terrible at drawing, I’m not gonna kid you. When i was younger, my art teacher threatened to fail me because im really terrible at drawing. 😂

- I’m also very injury-prone and a bit clumsy, which caused me to have bruises occasionally

- I’m kinda bad and math and physics, but like if you take your time to explain to me then I’ll understand a bit more lol, my best subject is like chemistry

- my ideal date would just be cuddling with my boyfriend, and either watching a movie together or bookshop date hehe

uwu i would be super grateful and happy if you did my matchup uwu thank you sm sending you all my love and hugs and cuddles 🥰💖💕

Hi hi, lia! ❤I’m so happy ya requested! 😆Hehe, I hope you enjoy it love, and I hope this cheers ya up! Love ya lots, and I hope you enjoy it! ❤😊

So I match you with……………. Isaac

Oh, the first time Isaac spotted you in the dining room, introducing yourself to everyone, he was paralyzed with fear. You quite possibly looked more intimidating than anyone he has ever met in his whole entire life, and that’s saying a lot considering you were standing right next to his pure blooded vampire, sire. Comte spotted Isaac hiding behind the doorway of the dining room, peaking in to catch a glimpse of their new guest. You instantly turned around when you heard the blond vampire beckon, someone closer, whose name you know all too well. He had been the cause of endless amounts of math and science homework over the years. 

Your eyes locked with his for a split second, but moments after you met his rosy eyes he darted them to the ground. “I-s-saac Newton, n-nice to meet you.” You gave him a shy smile and took his outstretched hand and shook it, before you could even say a word, Arthur budded in and interrupted. An action which caused you to feel slightly irritated, Isaac looked up at your face and saw that you were starting to become awkward with being the centre of attention. The two of you still held hands when the physicist decided to pull you into the kitchen with him to give you a moment of peace. You smiled when he is a very soft meek voice confessed that he didn’t really like crowds or loud people, a little fact that the two of you bonded over. And before you knew it, you and Isaac were now sitting in the kitchen chatting away in a deep conversation about your mutual dislike of overcrowded places, bullies and plain old public nuisances.

The next day you decided to curiously explore the mansion. You came across a great big library, and you felt as excited as a kid on Christmas day. They had every and any book you could possibly wish for. You decided to spend the day doing something you absolutely loved, and that would be... reading. You had found yourself an old outdated science book, and you were honestly so fascinated at how little had changed in terms of scientific principles over the years. You were so invested in the book you were reading you didn’t even hear Issac walking in. He was on the hunt for his little hedgehog. 

You were awoken from your book reading trance when you heard the sound of a vase smash against the floor. Startled you turned your head towards the loud crash only to see a very distressed looking Isaac. You are naturally sensitive to other emotion, and very much a giver, so it only took one glance at Isaac’s troubled face to prompt you into action. You noticed that he had cut himself on the fallen vase and he was now down crouched on the floor trying to retrieve his terrified hedgehog, who had gotten himself caught at the bottom of one of the large bookcases. 

Wordlessly you laid on the floor beside Isaac and peered under the bookcase, when you spotted little Harry cowering in the dark corner tangled in a ball of wool. Your hands and arms were much smaller than Issac’s, so you were easily able to reach under the bookcase and secure the little hedgehog. Both of you sat up as you cradle the scared little animal in your hands, trying to untangle the wool that was wrapped around his body. “My God, Harry, I was worried sick about you, please never disappear like that again.” both you and Isaac breathed a sigh of relief at the now rescued critter.

That is when you looked up and noticed that Harry wasn’t the only hedgehog who had been injured, “Isaac, your hand!” You stood up and offered Isaac a hand up, you then gently took his hand in yours and led him to your room. You sat him down on your bed and gently started treating the injury as Harry had made himself comfortable, now sleeping on your pillow. While treating Isaac’s injury, you started chatting away with him. You could see him blushing profusely from embarrassment so you decided to tell him about the book you were reading before the whole fiasco. At the mention of the science book, Isaac instantly perked up and met your enthusiasm ten fold. After his wound was wrapped and treated, the two of you sat in deep conversation for the second time that week, chatting all about science and your mutual love for the subject. And that my dear friend is how you and Isaac had become good friends

Since that day, it wasn’t uncommon for the two of you to be sitting across from each other in the library, reading away. Usually, Harry would be nestled in your lap as you and Isaac enjoy a quiet afternoon together. Some afternoon the two of you would just simply sit in silence and read while other afternoons were filled with laughter and conversation between the two of you cuties. 

As the days went on Isaac had noticed a very curious fact about you, and that was how forgetful you were. He had noticed that you would go hours and hours without eating or drinking something which strangely enough, was the exact opposite of him, who required minimum routine of five meals a day. It was this curious observation that had started the habit of the two of you dining together every day. Something which both of you really enjoyed, especially now that the two of you were determined to find the best sweets in all of Paris. Every day without fail, at lunchtime you and Isaac would go out to town to try a new cafés for lunch and sweet. These café crawls usually involved Isaac showing you around Paris, visiting book stores together and leisurely walking beside the Seine. You honestly loved spending time with this hedgehog, who had seemed to have completely opened up to you. 

Isaac loved your inappropriate jokes and twisted humour and would bust out into uncontrollable laughter whenever you would crack a joke. One time as the two of you were sitting on the fountain’s edge eating some ice cream, you saw a man falling up stairs. As hard as you tried, you couldn’t keep a poker face, it just wasn't in you, especially when Isaac had just witnessed the exact same scene and was now looking at you and snickering. Of course, being the sweet angels you were, you rushed to see if the man was alright, however, your walk home with Isaac was filled with jokes and endless laughter of the days events. 

Ooh how Isaac had fallen head over heels for you, his favourite thing in the world was to hear you sing and play the piano. He would silently walk into the piano room whenever you played, and just let the beautiful sounds wash away his weariness of the day. He would shower you with endless compliments, even more so, when you would deny them, saying that you aren’t that good. These playful little banter fights usually end with him tickling you. He usually won’t give up until you admit that you are the best singer and piano player in the whole mansion. Cue Mozart walking in like challenge accepted.

The night Isaac finally confessed his feeling for you was on, one warm summers night. The night started of with Isaac taking you out to watch a musical concert. He knew just how much you love music. Before he had met you, he had never really bother taking the time to listen to music, as he had always been far to absorbed with his own work, to stop and smell the flowers. However since meeting you, he found himself utterly enjoying going to the opera and musical concerts and letting himself just get absorbed by the sound of music. He loved the way your eyes gleamed as you watched and listened to the performance. 

After the concert, he lead you out into the garden, where his telescope had been all set up. The two of you sat together and stargazed while Mozart played some romantic classical music in the background, which was arranged by the resident hedgehog himself. Somewhere between the beautiful sight of the stars and the gentle melody playing in the background. Isaac build up the courage to finally reveal to you just how madly in love he was with you. He then produced a bunch of red roses out of thin air and resting in the roses was a card with a hand-drawn meme ( courtesy of Sabastian) asking you in the most hilarious way to stay in the past with him. The two of you met in a sweet kiss and the rest of the evening was spent cuddled in each other’s arms under the stars.

Both of you are pretty touch starved creatures, so expect to be cuddled, snuggled, kissed and hugged whenever Isaac comes across you. Like if Isaac spots you in the garden hanging laundry he will give you the biggest hug from behind, kiss your neck and then tell you how much he loves you, before he is off with Napo to teach the children.  

Don’t worry about your impulsive behaviours, bottled up emotions or a quick temper. Isaac might be new to the whole human behaviour thing but he is very in-tune with your emotions and he will instantly pick up when you are feeling upset or angry. He will aim to fix every and all problems immediately, especially if it is causing you hurt or upset. This also counts for when you are over stressing yourself, about putting too high an expectation on yourself. If he sees you getting angry, stressed or frustrated, he will pull you into his arms and gently stroke your hair, you can’t be angry when you are being so gently held and loved. Isaac will sit an listen to all your troubles. 

He always encourages you to communicate whenever you are having negative emotions so he can help you through it the best way he knows how, with cuddles. He would usually make you a cup of coffee and pull you into his lap and cuddle you, as you unpack everything and anything that had upset you that day. He will patiently listen and leave small little kisses on your cheeks to remind you that he is there for you and will support you no matter what

He loves your competitive side, even more so when you use it to win a bet and beat Arthur. HE also loves how open-minded you are. The two of you often teach each other new skills, for example, you have been teaching Isaac how to shoot while Isaac has been patiently teaching you maths and science.

He low key loves how possessive you are and is just as possessive over you. He absolutely adores you and will remind you of that every single day. 

He loves holding your hands and giving you small kisses on the cheeks whenever the two of you go out together. He honestly can’t believe it when you feel insecure about the way you look, “You are honest to God, the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met.” Will tickle you and shower you with kisses and loving words whenever you are feeling insecure about yourself. 

He will always snicker when your feisty side comes out. Like whenever you sass the men at the banquets for spewing gender based stereotypes and being ignorant. Once they have been put in their place, Isaac while still laughing at the hilarious smack-down you just gave the ignorant men will always give you the sweetest kisses, “God, I love you so much.”

Isaac legit loves everything about you from your quick temper to your clumsy streak. You best be sure this hedgehog is ganna be right by your side whenever you clumsily injure yourself. He will legit sweep you off your feet and nuzzle into your neck, all while making sure you didn’t injure yourself too severely. 

This boy loves you to the moon and back and would do anything to make you happy. If you are overexerting your injured knee you best be sure he will piggyback you to his room and do everything in his power to ease away the pain. Even if that means taking a soothing hot bath with you.

Often the two of you cuties can be found cuddled together, each reading their own book. Both your love languages are physical touch and quality time so Isaac is happiest when you are nestled near him simply spending some good quality time together.

Other potential matches…………. Comte 

I hope you have the best day lia! Sending ya all the hugs! ❤❤🌻 @i-sleep-like-napoleon

[gevejsbvdj]

Pt. 2

the continuation of what inspired my leave beneath the cut

I have a friend, who I got along with really well because we are both Afro Latinas (only she can speak Spanish. I don’t, not really) and we are black kids who had an interest in unconventional topics. I messaged her before disappearing about the ending of the server. I was keeping her updated all throughout, but after telling her the ending, I left her on read

I won’t disclose what I got up to during my absence. But again, don’t think that I had a breakdown because of the server ONLY. It was the final straw. I had so much going on in my life and I couldn’t take it anymore. 

Anyways, she took it upon herself to send hateful messages to Ley’s account and thought it was something to be proud of and told me. I...wasn’t impressed. But I still didn’t respond to our chats. Then she (her name is Rex. I’m gonna call her that) dmed Ley and was actually pretty aggressive towards her in an attempt to get answers. Again, not impressed but it was enough for me to actually come online. I feel like that’s why she acted out, to get me online. I don’t think she cared about me and used my pain to hurt others.

I had extremely brief, passing conversations with people who weren’t involved with the situation at all right before I messaged Rex. 

Ley was special to me before her message. I was always very defensive and protective of her like I was everyone else, but her especially because I thought she was nice. And I remembered when people were being mean to me, she reached out. And I still appreciate her for doing that. 

Which was why it was so confusing when Rex told me that they were all mad at me because I ACCUSED JOANE OF GROOMING PEOPLE. They wanted a reason to make me the villain so badly that they made shit up.

Notice how here, she says that I called Joane a FUCKING PEDO. Not even just a groomer but an outright PEDOPHILE. 

I’ve been raped. I’ve been sexually assaulted, groomed, all of that. I don’t say shit. I never say anything. I’ve even been accused- yes, ACTUALLY ACCUSED unlike Joane- to being a paedophile. I’m 19. Not even just that but I’m freshly 19. I got accused when I was 17. But I would never just- ughhhh moving on I don’t wanna get into it. 

When Rex asked for proof, this is way Ley sent her:

In this screenshot, I’m literally discussing how Joane’s childish behaviour could get her killed. I was concerned. Again, where’s the bullying?

Rex told me that Ley said she was wrong for not having proof, and I understand. Ley wasn’t present when it all went down

But really Ley? 

I heard a quote from someone that said something like “if someone believed a lie about you without checking up on you first to see if there was proof, then they were already looking for something to destroy you with to begin with” or SOMETHING like that. So I thought back to that quote and felt awful. I always suspected that they didn’t really like me, but always marked it up to my depression talking nonsense. But after all of this...maybe it was true. Why did I come out the most damage? Why were they making up lies about me? Me, out of all of them. Why was I consistently being seen as the bad guy overall? No really tell me. 

Anyways, this was Ley’s justification to believe that I would say such an awful thing:

Okay. Let’s just say that- Joane WAS a groomer. That she actually is a paedophile and I commented on it. She’s obviously not but I’m pulling a Ben Shapiro here. Everything else is the same only Joane is a paedophile. 

That motherfucking “it’s weird that he only spoke up when they were arguing” argument, and other arguments like that are so fucking toxic. As well as “well it wasn’t a problem that never came up before” so??? That’s what the fucking #metoo movement was all about. Timing means NOTHING when it comes to that. It doesn’t matter if it’s Joane or fucking Bill Cosby. The fact that thought came to Ley’s head is so fucking upsetting and DISGUSTING.THAT mentality is why people never want to believe victims of assault. Same goes for “they could have said that privately” guys she’s talking about that user who said they were uncomfortable with Joane coming onto him. Privately? It was private to him. In that server, we’ve made it known that it’s a very homey and comfortable environment. And who the fuck are you to tell someone where and when they can speak up about something like that???

Also, she accused me of calling her a pedo again. Good for me right? I’m a bully and I’m someone who just blindly calls people paedophiles. Good for me, damn. 

No, you shouldn’t believe someone right away when they call someone a groomer. God don’t I know that. But you definitely don’t say THAT what the fucking fuck. 

Jesus. Okay, moving on. 

Rex aggressively messaged Mel who had something similar to say:

uggh, you WERE the toxic environment i wanted to flee from,.

It hurts. It hurts a lot to see another friend you looked up to call you a bully. And that they just say that you called someone a groomer when you didn’t. 

Mel couldn’t provide proof either. 

Mel also tagged her post with someone kinda ignorant. 

Imagine if (thinking of someone I and others don’t always agree with) someone like James Charles made a post broadcasting all the homophobia he dealt with during his career, and I or some other asshole said something “while I don’t always agree with James…” like now isn’t the time. Now isn’t the time to let people you know you disagree with me ESPECIALLY on a post where you agree with me 100%??? What is the point then? You agreed with me, so agree with me. There. No one is saying that you have to agree with everything I say lord fucking knows I don’t always agree with you guys. fucking DUH. It makes me think you just wanted to put that in to lesson me and my words, even only slightly. Why? That hurts a lot, Mel. It really fucking does bruh.

When Rex called her out on it, she deleted the reblog. Not just the meagre little tag but the whole post. If she couldn’t be slick with me, then she wasn’t going to support me at all. It isn’t worth it if she can’t be shady. That’s the message I got from that. Tells me a lot. 

I am not friends with Rex anymore. She’s always been really aggressive and drama craving and I can’t take it. It’s impacting me negatively as well. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t somewhat happy with the screenshots she gave me. Told me a lot about these people I was still willing to talk to. 

Now? I won’t even waste their time.

After all of that. I made the post. The big announcement post. It was too much. I can’t escape the racism in my hometown or in the country in general, but I can leave and distance myself from the fandom. 

I was talking to someone today, and she, as a white woman, admitted that white people act so shitty when it’s implied that they’re racist. Which is so true. 

As I said, people make mistakes. No white person EVER is 0% racist or biased. I’m sorry but it’s not true unless you’re a baby or something. Same goes for other races, but mainly white people who have always had the upper hand, the privilege, the money, the chances, the power, all of that. 

Listen to me. 

When a person of color tells you that you are being microaggressive, biased, ignorant, or prejudice, or straight up RACIST, YOU FUCKING LISTEN TO THEM. Why do you guys get so AGGRESSIVE AND MAD?? That is so fucking WEIRD. 

And yes. I’m talking to you Vulture. 

I really had no ill feelings towards you prior to your comments.

Or your posts. 

peep that clumsily used aave. never fucking talked like that to anyone but me. either way, you sound dumb.

Why?

Why so...mad?

You felt guilty? Why did you feel guilty? 

...I’m gonna let you answer that. 

Moving on. I know that not everything has to be about race. I hate making things about my race. I do, even when I should! But you can be racist unintentionally. Does that mean you’re racist? No! I have yet to receive a genuine apology from any of you, meanwhile, I’ve been over here grovelling and hoping that you like me again. God. Why is it so hard for you to apologize and move on??

No, in that same fucking server, someone sent a racist meme after joking about slavery all day:

And yes, the people in the chat at the time laughed at it... 

I told them that WASNT funny and they freaked out all “WHY CANT I TALK TO PEOPLE IM SO FUCKING STUPID I SUCK” like oh...my god. You guys make it so awkward being black oh my GOD. I- like it makes me never want to say ANYTHING but I know I have to but god what the hell guys???

I wouldn’t really think that the members of the server chat were racially biased if they just accepted the fact that they were micro aggressive and didn’t flip out about it. Not really, at least. That reaction is so- well it’s sus as fuck. People who aren’t prejudiced will apologize, correct themselves and move on. Not dismiss me constantly and DEFINITELY not freak the fuck out. 

I also wouldn’t assume they were racially biased if this SAME EXACT SITUATION DIDNT HAPPEN TO ME BEFORE. 

Yep! On the Beatles Amino, I was called a bully and was reported by the LEADERS. Why? Because I told a curator she was inconsistent with her rules… that’s it. And that was back when I was sugary sweet all the time and was deemed to be a cinnamon roll. Nah. They knew I was black and I got told that people were scared of me and that I was bullying people. Yeah okay. Messaging ONE curator about her rules is the same thing as bullying people. Chile I can’t. And it only happens in the Beatles fandom. But no when someone calls John Lennon a racist it’s all “Zach! Zach! Tell them they’re wrong.” Ugh...

So that’s that on that. I have nothing else to say. Don’t message me about this post if you didn’t read all of this. I’m an idiot and I’m honestly still willing you hear you all out but don’t expect me to ever want to have anything to do with you. Out of the what- 50 people from that server, only two stood up for me? And two separate people APOLOGIZED TO ME. AND THEY HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING. That’s a shame. Thank you Johnny, Lenny, Laurie, and Remy. All of your names rhyme and you didn’t make me feel like I was CRAZY, unlike those I mentioned. There’s so much shit going on in the world rn, especially to do with racism. I know that you guys know. But some posts really....really tried me. oh well. I’m black. I like The Beatles. And I’m a victim of microaggressions, false accusations, gas lighting. I’m also out. bye.

black lives matter resources

[vanillastudies]

6.28.19 || hey guys, long time no post! I thought since it’s been so long I’d catch yall up on my life and just let you know where i’m at right now. 

first of all, I graduated high school! almost a month ago now, wow. I’m going to University of Oregon in the fall, and I got into their honors college (please dont use this info to stalk me haha), which I’m hella excited about bc i guess it was super competitive this year, and they’re one of the top 10 honors colleges in the nation :0 (ok that’s all the flexing you’ll hear from me lol). I already got a room, and two roommates, so i’m looking forward to that too! Right now, I don’t know what I want to study. the only thing i’m 100% sure about is that i want to play cello in college, somehow. UO’s music program is really good and i would love to be a part of it. i’ve been considering a couple things in terms of majors- mainly environmental studies and music education. I’ve kinda informally taught cello a few times and i think it’s something i’d really enjoy but i also really wanna save the planet, yknow?? anyway what else,,

i got a job! i like the people and surprisingly like the work. but that’s just about the only thing i’m doing this summer tbh. most of the time i’m doing a lot of sitting around, ignoring my reading list, my college checklist, and the deep cleaning that my room desperately needs. also, i’ve pretty much completely given up on my bullet journal :( which is why i havent posted anything in like 3 months. ok i was trying to keep my life update positive, cuz i hate when a lot of what i post is negative, but if im being honest i just havent had the energy? to do a lot of things. idk i think senioritis turned into post-graduation depression with a side of existential crisis lol. and that’s why i havent updated. shoutout to the people who tagged me in stuff btw, im not ignoring u bc i hate u, i promise.

on the plus side, i’ve started watching friends and it’s hilarious, why didn’t i start watching sooner? and i’ve started hanging out with my irl friends more. so theres that. I do have quite a few posts lined up in my drafts so hopefully you’ll see something from me again soon? otherwise.... *waves at you as i fade into the darkness once more*

[completeotometrash]

Matchup

@i-sleep-like-napoleon

I'm a female on the libra-scorpio cusp and a Slytherin, I'm kind of a mix of ENFP and INFP. Appearance-wise, I'm 5'2, i've brown eyes and caramel brown hair. I also wear glasses and I'm also quite tanned from being out in the sun all the time. Personality-wise: - I can be really enthusiastic about stuff I'm really interested in, such as history (especially world war history), sciences (but physics is trash to me) and anime (I'm a closet nerd hehe) . - I can be really ambitious and competitive, and I would sometimes place unrealistic expectations on myself, leaving me mentally exhausted and stressed, but like i place these unrealistic measures on myself to strive to be the best - I do try to chill and take it slow, but you know, sometimes i just can't 😅 - I'm quite an open book to all my close friends - I also tend to be really possessive, like I dont like people purposely trying to steal my friends (it happened a lot of times before) and i hate it when someone randomly butts into a conversation i'm having with anyone, especially if it's a deep conversation - I can be really awkward around people i don't click with, but around people i click with, i can be pretty wild and will be able to hold conversations with. - I tend to procrastinate a lot, and people say i look intimidating but i don't feel like I'm intimidating. - I can be really sensitive to other's emotions and i tend to put others before me, so like my close friend always told me that i'm too much of a giver, like I try to please everyone else and ignore myself - My love languages are physical touch and quality time - I can't stand people who are attention seekers or just aim to be public nuisances as i feel that they're just really irritating and it gets on my nerves, especially those people who are just doing stupid things to be popular (which is lowkey why i think tiktoks dances are dumb, like seriously i dont get the hype, but i do like tiktok meme videos tho) - I listen to a lot of different genres of music, but i especially love classics (mozart and chopin are my favourites) and pop. - I can really insecure at times, because i always feel that every other girl out there is better than me and i'm just a plain and ugly, and partially because i got bullied when i was younger about my appearance - I like dressing up and putting on makeup occassionally, but i do act like a tomboy most of the time (ie. I hate skirts, like i really dont like them and i have no idea why, but jeans are supreme). - I also love playing the piano and singing as well, even though i'm not that good at it :D - People tell me that I'm very curious and persistent, constantly pushing until i get answers, but i do know my limits. - I'm also very passionate about things I love, and i would do anything to protect people that i care and love. - I'm also very affectionate and supportive towards my close friends and people i love. - I do have trust issues and I often feel like i do not deserve love and that I hate people who betray my trust. - I'm ok with pda, but not anything overly affectionate, like hand-holding and kissing is ok, but not making out 😳😖 - I also tend to be pretty forgettful, and i'll not eat for hours to get my work on hand done (whoop pretty unhealthy but :0) - I'm also really sarcastic when i want to be, and i can't hold a poker face to save my life (i swear i always start laughing like 2 seconds in) and I tend to sass people a lot, especially if I've had a bad day - I'm also pretty fiesty and I hate people stereotyping me for my gender (i.e like when someone says that "oh you're pretty good for a girl") like what does my gender have to do with my ability? Like there is zero correlation - My sense of humour is kind of twisted at times but i really love memes and i tend to crack inappropriate jokes sometimes - I've been told that i come across as really flirty to some guys but it's because i can be really touchy feely to my friends - I'm also quick to anger, especially if i have a bad day, i hate people who nag and i hate people who put down others- I'm kind of touch-starved, so i really like hugs and cuddles, but I'm also ticklish so my friends tend to tickle me when hugging me - I can be a daydreamer at times, like I would get stuck in my own fantasy world when i shouldn't 😂😂 - I'm also a drama queen around my friends, I dont have a lot of them in real life because of some rumours that others spread, so i only have a close circle of friends i really treasure and would do anything for them - I also tend to bottle up all my anger and negative thoughts, and would sometimes like explode on others even though I don't mean to - Sometimes I don't really think before I say or act, which is why sometimes I can come off as a bit rude or unfeeling but it's just me and my impulsiveness 🤪 Fun Facts: - i really love food, especially sweets (dark chocolate and dango is my life) - i really hate horror movies (I'm usually pretty brave, but horror movies just get to me so much ergh) but i love chick flicks and adventure flims - I'm also a hopeless romantic, which is why even little romantic gestures can make my heart flutter - My hobbies are reading, writing and shooting (only air-rifle though) - I used to be pretty athletic, I still am, but to a lesser extend now, because i injured my left knee playing volleyball in the past. It's on it's road to recovery, but it still hurts quite badly when i overexert myself. - I love artic foxes and cats, dogs are too energetic for me 😅 - I'm also a sneaker hoarder and I love collecting and wearing sneakers hehe, heels are like torture devices for the feet i dont care even if they make me taller - Coffee over tea anyday, no offense to peoples who like tea, but a fresh cup of brewed coffee is one of the best things in the world 😚 - I'm really terrible at drawing, I'm not gonna kid you. When i was younger, my art teacher threatened to fail me because im really terrible at drawing. 😂 - I'm also very injury-prone and a bit clumsy, which caused me to have bruises occasionally - I'm kinda bad and math and physics, but like if you take your time to explain to me then I'll understand a bit more lol, my best subject is like chemistry

...........

Thank you so much for the request! Hope you enjoy.

Although I was deeply torn between another character, I believe the suitor you’d be best with is: Sasuke Sarutobi!

I honestly feel like a relationship between you two would be like an, “opposites attract,” type of deal. But despite this, you two still would share a lot of common interests! Unlike all of the other guys, he understands you. He was born and raised in the same time period as you! He knows everything a normal person would from the 2000′s, he’s watched movies, listened to similar music, enjoyed memes, and understands references! Sasuke has made it very clear that he too, is quite the history guru. His former job in modern times was being a scientist. (Although it was never mentioned, I strongly feel like he enjoyed anime before he was sent back in time.) And he loves to not only learn, but teach what he knows! You two have a relationship unlike any other, which is a truly special thing. If there would ever be a time where you want to rant or discuss anything about the future, he would gladly listen!

Sasuke is not very good with his emotions, and is very stoic and self-kept. Seeing you and your expressions and how different you two are is pretty refreshing to him. He doesn’t find you intimidating whatsoever! (More adorable than anything). If you were ever frustrated at him or the world, he knows how to take it without making things worse, (most of the time). Always stays calm and has no problem being the first to apologize. He listens to how you feel and gives his best advice. Rare of you to ever get mad at him, he’s a pretty chill person that doesn’t seek attention or act like they’re better than anyone. He’s not too sure how to help you with your insecurities. Shows his love through actions rather than words, but still gives the nice occasional compliment on how you look or on your personality. (He truly does love you, thinks of you as being better than perfect.) He doesn’t mind that you’re the same way. Also isn’t bothered by you being possessive at all. (Doesn’t really talk to girls other than you unless he has to.)

Loves going and doing things with you. Whether if it’s walking around town or playing games in the castle! (Thinks you being competitive is adorable!) Understands if you just want to stay home and relax. He’s very introverted and doesn’t really understand social ques, so just being alone with you is something he would take any day.

Although he doesn’t show it, he loves pampering you! Enjoys cuddles as well. (Everyone seems to discuss on how he and his s/o would recreate the upside-down Spiderman kiss.) Will just randomly pull up romantic movie or TV show lines, and vines. A secret softy! (But only for you).

Overall, I think this would be a really healthy relationship! Only problem being how bad he is at expressing himself. (Which can be fixed over time.)

Other Possible matches: Masamune Date (almost picked this one tbh), Mitsunari Ishida, and Kennyo.. (Fuck I can’t remember his last name. Someone please educate me.)

[rosaliekali]

Hello there, how are you? I hope that you've had a great day/night! And congratulations on 1k 😚, you deserve it!! 💖 You're a really good writer and I can't wait for your match-up 🥰

I'm a female on the libra-scorpio cusp and a Slytherin, I used to be an ENFP but now I'm an INFP

Appearance-wise, I'm 5'2, i've brown eyes and caramel brown hair. I also wear glasses and I'm also quite tanned from being out in the sun all the time.

Personality-wise:

- I can be really enthusiastic about stuff I'm really interested in, such as history (especially world war history), sciences (but physics is trash to me) and anime (I'm a closet nerd hehe) .

- I can be really ambitious and competitive, and I would sometimes place unrealistic expectations on myself, leaving me mentally exhausted and stressed, but like i place these unrealistic measures on myself to strive to be the best

- I do try to chill and take it slow, but you know, sometimes i just can't 😅

- I'm quite an open book to all my close friends

- I also tend to be really possessive, like I dont like people purposely trying to steal my friends (it happened a lot of times before) and i hate it when someone randomly butts into a conversation i'm having with anyone, especially if it's a deep conversation

- I can be really awkward around people i don't click with, but around people i click with, i can be pretty wild and will be able to hold conversations with.

- I tend to procrastinate a lot, and people say i look intimidating but i don't feel like I'm intimidating.

- I can be really sensitive to other's emotions and i tend to put others before me, so like my close friend always told me that i'm too much of a giver, like I try to please everyone else and ignore myself

- My love languages are physical touch and quality time

- I can't stand people who are attention seekers or just aim to be public nuisances as i feel that they're just really irritating and it gets on my nerves, especially those people who are just doing stupid things to be popular (which is lowkey why i think tiktoks dances are dumb, like seriously i dont get the hype, but i do like tiktok meme videos tho)

- I listen to a lot of different genres of music, but i especially love classics (mozart and chopin are my favourites) and pop.

- I can really insecure at times, because i always feel that every other girl out there is better than me and i'm just a plain and ugly, and partially because i got bullied when i was younger about my appearance

- I like dressing up and putting on makeup occassionally, but i do act like a tomboy most of the time (ie. I hate skirts, like i really dont like them and i have no idea why, but jeans are supreme).

- I also love playing the piano and singing as well, even though i'm not that good at it :D

- People tell me that I'm very curious and persistent, constantly pushing until i get answers, but i do know my limits.

- I'm also very passionate about things I love, and i would do anything to protect people that i care and love.

- I'm also very affectionate and supportive towards my close friends and people i love. - I do have trust issues and I often feel like i do not deserve love and that I hate people who betray my trust.

- I'm ok with pda, but not anything overly affectionate, like hand-holding and kissing is ok, but not making out 😳😖

- I also tend to be pretty forgettful, and i'll not eat for hours to get my work on hand done (whoop pretty unhealthy but :0)

- I'm also really sarcastic when i want to be, and i can't hold a poker face to save my life (i swear i always start laughing like 2 seconds in) and I tend to sass people a lot, especially if I've had a bad day

- I'm also pretty fiesty and I hate people stereotyping me for my gender (i.e like when someone says that "oh you're pretty good for a girl") like what does my gender have to do with my ability? Like there is zero correlation

- My sense of humour is kind of twisted at times but i really love memes and i tend to crack inappropriate jokes sometimes

- I've been told that i come across as really flirty to some guys but it's because i can be really touchy feely to my friends

- I'm also quick to anger, especially if i have a bad day, i hate people who nag and i hate people who put down others

- I'm kind of touch-starved, so i really like hugs and cuddles, but I'm also ticklish so my friends tend to tickle me when hugging me

- I can be a daydreamer at times, like I would get stuck in my own fantasy world when i shouldn't 😂😂

- I'm also a drama queen around my friends, I dont have a lot of them in real life because of some rumours that others spread, so i only have a close circle of friends i really treasure and would do anything for them

- I also tend to bottle up all my anger and negative thoughts, and would sometimes like explode on others even though I don't mean to

- Sometimes I don't really think before I say or act, which is why sometimes I can come off as a bit rude or unfeeling but it's just me and my impulsiveness 🤪

Fun Facts (i.e hobbies, likes and dislikes, etc.):

- i really love food, especially sweets (dark chocolate and dango is my life)

- i really hate horror movies (I'm usually pretty brave, but horror movies just get to me so much ergh) but i love chick flicks and adventure flims

- I'm also a hopeless romantic, which is why even little romantic gestures can make my heart flutter

- My hobbies are reading (adventure and fantasy are my favourite genres, but I'll read anything), writing and shooting (only air-rifle though)

- I used to be pretty athletic, I still am, but to a lesser extend now, because i injured my left knee playing volleyball in the past. It's on it's road to recovery, but it still hurts quite badly when i overexert myself.

- I love artic foxes and cats, dogs are too energetic for me 😅

- I'm also a sneaker hoarder and I love collecting and wearing sneakers hehe, heels are like torture devices for the feet i dont care even if they make me taller

- Coffee over tea anyday, no offense to peoples who like tea, but a fresh cup of brewed coffee is one of the best things in the world 😚

- I'm really terrible at drawing, I'm not gonna kid you. When i was younger, my art teacher threatened to fail me because im really terrible at drawing. 😂

- I'm also very injury-prone and a bit clumsy, which cuased me to have bruises occasionally

- Math is like hands down my worst subject, like really I can't math or physics to save my life, but I'm really good at biology and chemistry

Ahh it's kinda a bit long and tmi but I'm really looking forward to hesr what yout think! Stay happy and healthy 💖😚

I match you with Will!

Will knows what it is like to have rumors swirling around and not have a large group of friends. He knows better than to listen to the gossip mill and is more likely to see you for who you are. Upon first meeting you, he is intrigued. You are different from the others around him and are not afraid to be yourself. 

He likes how possessive you are, he is possessive himself, and will love to monopolize your time. He isn’t one to be overly affectionate in public either and can respect your boundaries. He likes spending time with you, and, once you both click, the two of you can talk for hours. He likes your honest nature and finds you being an open book interesting. Many people tend to hide behind gestures or deceit, but you are open to those you are close with and this is something he values.

Will is immune to charms as well and knows when people are pretending to draw attention. He is very perceptive and prefers those who know who they are and do not put up airs. He likes that about you and admires how you are true to yourself. 

Will has a way with words and will be there to help you when you have doubts over yourself. He likes the moments when you dress up, finds them a pleasant surprise, but likes your true self above all. He won’t let you ever doubt yourself and will be quick to remind you how much he loves you when you do.

He likes your passion and definitely needs someone who will give attention to his own needs. Will is a lonely person used to being on his own because people are intimidated by him, he needs a lover who can see him for who he is and will show him the affection he needs. You fit the description well.

All in all, the two of you click well together. He likes your openness and is not the kind of person to let the people around him turn him away. Your possessive nature and open nature draw him in right away and he finds you are just the person he needs for himself.

An alternative match would be Comte because he also would like how open you are, how you put others before yourself, and would not care about what anyone else thinks.